Looking In
by DrYuriMom
Summary: It's not easy living on the outside looking in…
1. A Cry for Help

**Looking In**

**A Cry for Help  
><strong>1st year, April

The petite, still prepubescent figure walked sedately down the manicured paths of Lillian Academy for Girls, just another first year high-school student making her way during the sunny April afternoon on this, the first Saturday of classes. Properly dressed in well pressed pleated uniform with scarf evenly tied at the collar, small charcoal-colored purse demurely held before her with clasped hands, she drew no notice. Just one more leaf hiding…in plain sight…in a forest.

_This place is so peaceful, _she mused for the umpteenth time_. A wonderland of serenity. So unlike the rowdiness across the hill, filled with boys driven by testosterone to do the craziest things. They're cute really, sweet even, when looking at them from the outside in. Unfortunately, I'm not on the outside where I should be._

Arisugawa Arisu pondered again the twist of fate that had placed her in Hanadera, rather than where she felt at home…where she was now. She knew she was fortunate compared to some. Her mother and sister were supportive. Her father, a world-class violinist and her most beloved inspiration, had been phenomenally sympathetic, having twice gone so far as to take her with him as his daughter, rather than as his son, on international performing tours. Once to Europe and once to America, at the age of eleven, she had met and performed with people like herself who had overcome gender challenges to rise to become classical vocal or instrumental masters.

The loss when her father passed away a little over three years ago, when she was barely 12 years old and mid-way through 6th grade, had been devastating. That had been the start of her troubles, beginning with her enrollment at Hanadera middle school at the insistence of her paternal grandfather, an alumnus, who severely disapproved of Arisu and wanted his namesake, Kintarou, to embrace his role as the male head of his family.

_Grandfather means well, I know. He'll just never understand. I know he's in ill health and I don't want to disappoint him, and I know from a practical matter that my inheritance and position as an Arisugawa is for Kintarou and not Arisu, but I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up._

Arisu rubbed her left arm as she replayed again in her mind the forceful shove on the first day of high school at Hanadera. She had landed wrong on her arm, fearing at first that it was broken and might harm the one thing in life that consistently brought her any real joy…her music. She was used to the teasing, but being manhandled was unusual even in her experience. She'd cried, giving her assailant exactly what he wanted and granting the crowd that gathered a show she knew she'd be months living down. She still wasn't sure how she would have made it out had it not been for her newest savior, Fukuzawa Yuuki. Her thoughts shifted as she felt warm remembering that moment, the sense of safety as Yuuki helped her off the ground and led her away with his arm protectively around her shoulder…glaring at the ones who had been laughing.

_Stop it, Arisu! There's no sense in going down that road. You're not like the others at school. Yuuki-kun doesn't see you as a girl, just as someone in need…and his ridiculous gallant streak couldn't help but save me. It could have been anyone...he'd have done the same. That's just who he is, and it's his greatest charm. You're not a boy who likes girls, or even a boy who likes boys which are certainly well known at Hanadera. You're a girl in a boy's body. A freak…unprecedented._

_A girly boy fit only for derision and the butt of jokes, not anyone's respect or affection._

Her breathing caught in a gentle sob as she found herself having come full circle, arriving back at the Maria-sama statue that stood along the entrance pathway from the outside world to the Lillian high-school facilities.

_It's time to go back home_, she told herself. The thought of again leaving this safe haven, the place, middle school and now high school, that she had come to now for three years to find refuge, made her stomach churn. Every time it was getting harder and harder to break away…to leave. Despite her best efforts she felt tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew she had best settle herself or she'd make a scene and the illusion might burst, destroying her one remaining outlet before the impending onset of puberty finally wrecked her hopes and dreams forever with no need of help from her foolishness.

Placing her bag under one arm, she put her hands together and closed her eyes in prayer, both in an effort to look unremarkable despite her frail emotions at the moment as well as to send her supplication to Heaven.

_Maria-sama, please help me! I have nowhere else to turn now and the noose is tightening._

"Are you okay?" Arisu was jarred from her thoughts by a gentle voice and a light touch on her shoulder. She opened her wet eyes and looked to one side to see a tall, mature figure in a Lillian uniform with luxurious black hair, stunning golden-hazel eyes, and sharp features wearing a concerned expression. "I couldn't help but notice you were crying. I don't want to intrude, but I also didn't want you to think you were alone whatever the problem is."

Arisu's emotions were so terribly close to the surface at that moment that she burst into tears, burying herself against the gentle girl's left shoulder. She felt a free arm lightly encircle her own shoulder and a hand gently stroke her hair.

"It's okay, kohai, whatever it is. I know where there is some hot tea waiting if you'd like to join me for a while. It strikes me that you could use some company at the moment."

Part of Arisu felt the trap closing on her, knew the danger for discovery this presented. She existed at Lillian only insofar as she didn't exist. But most of her didn't care at this one moment in time. Here was someone showing her compassion, caring in a time of need. Someone not related to her, and therefore obligated to care. Not the rough ribbing of even those boys at Hanadera who were her supporters or protectors, but the gentle caring of a female. The caring she herself wanted to share with others, but which was appreciated by neither man nor woman coming from the likes of her. Something about this girl screamed trust into Arisu's soul. She gave into the desire to go with the illusion and allowed the woman to lead her along, finding herself holding and leaning against the woman's soft arm as they went.

"I suppose I should introduce myself since I haven't seen you before that I remember. My name is Kanina Shizuka. I'm a second year here at Lillian."

*****PGBR*****

Arisu had never gathered the courage to enter the buildings at Lillian middle school, and this was her first foray onto the high school grounds. She was surprised at the difference in the architecture from the facilities at Hanadera.

_Even their walls are softer, finer, and more appealing_, she mused, her sense of despondence returning despite the remarkably reassuring presence of Kanina-sama.

Since she had no idea where they were going, Arisu simply allowed herself to be led. She was glad even a proper Lillian first year could be excused right now for not knowing where things were given they'd have attended the high school for only a week. Still, she felt some anxiety that circumstances might test her. Only her sense that Kanina-sama truly meant her no harm kept her from breaking into sobs again, this time from fear and anxiety. She had become adept at discerning "safe" people over the years, and her intuition was rarely wrong now. She usually managed to stay safe by sticking to such people, or at least ensuring one of them was present at all times.

It seemed to Arisu their destination must be about as far from the main doors as humanly possible. Several hallways and two flights of stairs later, the pair arrived at a large room filled with objects very familiar to Arisu from a lifetime of intimacy with them. "The music room!" Arisu exclaimed with more enthusiasm than she had felt for some time. Her anxieties faded to the background as her joy at entering perhaps the most dreamed of room in Lillian rose. She parted from her guide to examine a magnificent harp which sat, currently uncovered, near a grand piano. A stand with music, the classic Bach Praeludium I by the look of it, sat to one side of the harp. Atop the piano was a violin case, open, with the bow and violin in plain view inside. There were chairs lined up in rows, filling much of the rest of the room. Cases for instruments were neatly placed in racks along one wall. Despite the number of objects present, everything was organized and had a grace to it. Even the Lillian music room, with its primacy implied for strings rather than for brass, felt more a home to her than Hanadera's.

"You like music, um…" Kanina-sama's awkward pause reminded Arisu that she had yet to identify herself to the generous girl who had saved her from her fit of despair before Maria-sama.

"Arisu," she allowed simply, hoping she could avoid lying or providing her family name without causing serious offense. Her enthusiasm damped down again and she waited to be either prompted for her family name or perhaps even chastised for her rudeness in not smoothly offering it as would be proper.

"Arisu-san. It suits you," Kanina-sama said with a gentle smile that belied no sense of offense. "You have some experience with music?"

"A little," Arisu allowed, careful not to cage herself. _If I share how much I love music, she'll question why she hasn't seen me in classes all week, given she's obviously active here. I wonder what her instruments are? Or perhaps with that lovely voice she sings?_ Arisu loved singing despite it never being a strength of hers compared to her instrumental skills, but she had begun avoiding it passionately given her voice had just recently begun to show signs of breaking. The handful of times it had happened the previous month had been a jarring reminder that her days of hope were numbered. Just looking at her peers, even Yuuki-kun, when she was at school was a further brutal reminder of her fate.

"Perhaps you can share some of that over tea and cookies? I will go get both if you'll wait here a little while. Make yourself at home, Arisu-san. It would warm my heart if you found this room as much a refuge as I do." Again, that gentle but warm smile that was already becoming incorporated into Arisu's shield against the despair that was growing by the day in her heart, this after only knowing of Kanina-sama's existence for less than 30 minutes.

"Thank you, Kanina-sama," Arisu said with a bow of gratitude and respect. She watched as the jet-haired girl turned and exited the room, leaving the door slightly ajar as she departed.

*****PGBR*****

"Aika-sensei?" Shizuka announced with easy familiarity as she entered the teacher's office where she had only recently parted from her mentor, Fujisawa Aika, the orchestral and voice instructor for Lillian Academy. She used her mentor's given name only when they were alone. Still, she felt honored to have been granted that rare privilege, a mark of respect her teacher made clear she conferred only to those whom she saw as a peer in skill and dedication.

A tall, mature figure with long dark hair and sharp features wearing the conservative dress of a Lillian teacher stood from a desk and began walking across to the entrance of the room where Shizuka stood. "Shizuka-chan," the woman began with similar familiarity that changed with circumstances, "I thought you were on your way home."

"I was, but I was intercepted," Shizuka began explaining. "I was walking past Maria-sama, ready to give my respects, when I noticed this girl, a new first year by the looks of her, crying quietly and trying to cover it up through a prayerful stance. As you know, I'm normally not one to get involved in others' troubles, but something about this girl troubled me. I've never before felt the kind of despair I feel from her. It disturbed me, and I felt compelled to help her. I chose to give her some gentle reassurance."

Shizuka paused uncomfortably. Her mentor continued for her with a smirk, allowing some of her working-class Osakan upbringing to come through as often happened when she felt humor, "She buried herself in your chest and bawled her eyes out, right? I know you don't like hysterical or even just highly troubled people, Shizuka-chan. I'm really surprised you got involved."

"So too am I," Shizuka admitted more primly than her teacher, with a sigh and downcast eyes. "I can't explain it, but I somehow know this is not characteristic of her, that she's only losing control of her emotions because she truly has been pushed to the limits of her remarkable endurance." She raised her eyes to again look at her mentor, trying to convey the veracity of her feelings.

Aika's expression, which had been smiling due to her initial sense of irony in the situation, became more grave and she bit the edge of her lower lip in thought. "You have a gift of seeing to the core of people, Shizuka-chan. A gift I have always admired. If it was anyone else, I'd wonder if you were dealing with a fan who was a very fine actress."

Shizuka's head shook to denote her certainty that this was not the case. "No, I've dealt with those since middle school," she said with evident distaste. "Not only am I sure that's not the case, I also am sure she doesn't know of me at all. Again, I've never seen her. Note also that she buried herself in my arm, not my chest. I must believe she's one of the handful of transfer students we get each year as the middle-school classes transition to high school."

"Hmmm, what's her name?"

"I don't really know," Shizuka admitted with a mystified expression. "She shared only that her name was Arisu. She didn't give a family name, and I chose at that moment not to pry."

"Hmmm, I'll admit I didn't look closely at the list of transfer students." Aika turned back to the office and sorted through some papers, eventually finding what she was looking for. "Hmmm, we had two dozen transfer students and none of them have that name. It seems she was dodging even by giving her name, pretty weakly too since it's a popularized English name. Alice in Wonderland."

"I didn't get the sense she was lying." Shizuka shared with a perplexed furrowing of her brow.

"Well, by the simple fact that you're here, obviously you settled her down and sent her on her way. We can look for her next week and try and sort it out then."

Shizuka took a deep breath and let it out before saying, "Not exactly. She's currently in the music room. I came here under the pretense of collecting tea and some cookies, but in reality was hoping you'd come up and get a sense of the girl for yourself."

"You're telling me you, the storied Rosa Canina, the model of reserved detachment for her entire generation, brought home a stray?" Aika considered her star student with a raised eyebrow. "You realize if the newsgirls catch wind of this you won't hear the end of it for a month at least. Your friendship with the new editor won't protect you when it's something like this. You know as well as I do the exact conclusion they'll jump to and all the rumors that will fly. You've told me you don't want to go down the soeur route."

"Yes, Aika-sensei, I'm painfully aware of it. That's one reason why I want to involve you, it gives me plausible deniability." Shizuka smiled for the first time in the interaction.

"In other words no one would question me, the model of bleeding-heartedness for her generation, and so you want to foist her on me. Why do I feel like a mother whose daughter just brought home a puppy found eating out of the garbage behind the house? Mama, can I keep her?" That last was said playacting a child doing just that.

Shizuka had no response given the truthfulness of it, and so just nodded and stayed silent, smile remaining on her lips.

"Well, dear 'daughter', lets see what this new puppy of yours looks like. Just realize, having brought it home, you're now liable for her care, feeding, and training. You must learn responsibility, young lady!" Aika said this with teasing melodrama, playing the role of said fictional mother to the hilt as she walked past her dearest student and out the door toward the music room. Shizuka's smile widened as she turned to follow, enjoying the easy interplay with her most beloved teacher and mentor.

*****PGBR*****

It was only as they approached the music room that Shizuka realized she had forgotten to get tea and cookies, her original reason for leaving Arisu. She was about to mention this to Aika-sensei, who was still walking before her, when the sound of piano play brought both of them quickly to a halt. Emanating from the room was a solid rendition of Prokofiev's Sonata #3, played at full speed with the notes intact. The performance was not only technically precise, but the 'heart' often absent from student performances was clearly discernible if perhaps still uncertain…something reasonably attributable to youth and inexperience, or perhaps the emotional state of the artist. While perhaps not the best performance of the piece Shizuka had ever heard, it ranked very near the top of pretty extensive experience. It was profoundly clear the claim "only a little" had been a monumental understatement on the part of this young kohai.

"Shizuka-chan," her teacher whispered as she turned her head back to her student behind her. "You didn't mention she was gifted." It was clear from her voice and what little of her face Shizuka could see, that her teacher was sincerely irked at this omission.

"My apologies, Fujisawa-sensei," Shizuka responded with formal contriteness. "I asked her and she denied significant musical experience."

"Well, add that to the list of red herrings our dear little Arisu has tossed us."

The two continued to listen as the piece was completed. By unspoken consensus, neither moved and they continued to listen attentively for any other indications of talent. They weren't to be disappointed. It wasn't long before they heard the sound of a violin's tuning being confirmed.

"I left my practice violin out again after we were done together, didn't I?" Aika whispered ruefully.

"I wasn't going to mention that," Shizuka acknowledged with smirk. Shizuka had learned to police up the instruments after practice herself given her teacher's tendency toward absentmindedness about such important, but non-audible, details. When it came to details which could be heard, however, Aika had no equal in Shizuka's extensive experience.

Anything else the two were going to say was cut off as the sound of a violin playing Wieniawski's Polonaise Brillante No.1 streamed from the room. Shizuka was stunned at the proficiency, both technical and artistic. This was a hard piece to play, especially alone given Arisu had to imply the accompaniment at the very least of a non-existent piano. Arisu's piano effort had suggested skills worthy of the top high-school players in Japan, perhaps better than Shizuka's own accomplishments and she was one of the two most capable pianists on campus along with the standing Rosa Chinensis en bouton. This violin play was professional level, insomuch as the practice violin at hand would allow. Shizuka was familiar with that particular instrument, and could easily discern any loss of perfection was due to it and not the player, who in fact was rapidly adjusting her play to accommodate the deficiencies in the instrument.

Shizuka could see her mentor become unsteady and carefully back herself to lean against the wall. "Two prodigies at the same time in my care," Aika mumbled to herself, although Shizuka heard it…and had to agree. There was now no doubt in Shizuka's mind that this girl was her equal with her given instrument. Unlike some who might feel pangs of jealousy at the potential competition, Shizuka actually felt relief.

_It will be nice to have someone to share the spotlight with. It makes no sense to feel this way after just having met her, and there's no way it could happen until I sort my feelings out for Rosa Gigantea, but for the first time I can imagine giving my rosary to someone. Everyone has flaws, and always before I have been repelled by the flaws of those I meet, especially in those younger or less experienced than I. In this girl, I want to help her…to comfort her through them and guide her beyond them even though I have no idea what they are. Oh, what Aika-sensei would say if she knew that, in truth rather than simply in jest, I really have fallen so far._

The Wieniawski piece was followed by excerpts from Elgar's Enigma Variations. Shizuka knew that Aika-sensei had a particular soft spot for more modern British compositions, and Edward Elgar was a favorite of her teacher's. Aika-sensei's expression showed clearly that the performance was having a profound impact. The Elgar piece was short, and ended far too soon for the clandestine audience. Both women were hungry to hear more, lots more.

"Shizuka-chan, if you can find any more strays like this, you have my heartfelt permission to bring them home."

Given Shizuka's incipent feelings toward the girl eliciting the reaction, the simple praise coming in Aika's own quirky style from her mentor warmed her heart. This was the woman who, along with her family, had fed her gift for over four years now, and she was very grateful to her.

Just as the two shared looks indicating they believed that would be it, the sound of a harp being plucked drifted through the slightly open door. A few moments' patience was rewarded as the sound of J.S. Bach's Praeludium met their ears. After the initial few notes, the artist incorporated the melody of Gounod's Ave Maria while expertly maintaining the older Bach foundation as well. The combination was amazingly seamless for so young an artist, performed at speed, with no obvious sense of the stripped notes common from lesser players. A simple enough piece under many circumstances, but done with heart and complexity not found with a common wedding player.

"Aika-sensei, she's now played every one of the three instruments that just happened to be left out and available in that room. The Praeludium was the only piece of music out there given we were practicing the Ave Maria earlier. You know as well as I do that it didn't include the Gounod arrangement." Shizuka was perceptive enough of herself to realize the pride she was infusing in the statement and prepared herself for a come back quip from her mentor, but she quickly gathered that Aika-sensei was oblivious to anything but her own feelings at the moment.

Aika-sensei looked to Heaven with hands clasped before her. "Piano, violin, and now harp. I've died and gone to heaven," she said to herself, then turned her head to face Shizuka. "Okay, time to see how your remarkably talented puppy handles performing a trick. Shizuka-chan, stand at the door and accompany her. I want to hear the two of you together _right now_." The emphasis on the last two words was unmistakable.

The look in the teacher's eyes could only described by words such as 'hungry' and 'driven'. Then again, Shizuka felt similarly. She yearned for her voice to fly with the notes the girl was weaving from an instrument many played but few ever truly mastered, but which when properly performed was among the vocalist's dearest friends given the harp complimented classical voice in ways no other instrument, not even the storied piano, quite did. There was just something about a plucked string that a hammer could never replicate.

_I wonder if she plays harpsichord? _Shizuka quietly moved to fully open the door, grateful the girl seated at the harp had her back to the door and toward the rows of empty chairs. At the next logical point to slip into the piece, Shizuka let forth her best effort.

The harpist stumbled briefly at the sound of Shizuka's first few notes, but recovered quickly and then adjusted on the fly to playing accompaniment, just the Bach harmony, rather than solo the combined piece…another professional trait that was immediately noticed by Shizuka and presumably Aika-sensei. Shizuka lost herself in her music, increasingly confident of and comfortable with her accompanist. Given they had never performed together before, and in fact had begun mid piece with one of them not even expecting it to be a shared effort, the result was phenomenal. By the end, Shizuka was downright greedy to keep this girl around.

"In the name of all Maria-sama holds holy, where have you been all my life?" Shizuka heard Aika-sensei express from behind her, her emotion evident from the extent of her accent. She watched the girl sitting at the harp jump at the new voice. Arisu bounced up and spun around, standing straight, to take in her surroundings. Shizuka had known the girl only a few brief moments, but she could already see in her wild eyes anxiety roiling up in her. Once again she felt her heart go out to the girl.

_She looks like a trapped animal, and we're blocking the exit. Someone has hurt this child. It's obvious to me now. If I ever get my hands on whoever it is, it will not be pretty!_ Aloud, though, she said simply, "Your sense of 'a little' in regards to your musical experience needs some calibration, Arisu-san." Shizuka drew Aika-sensei into the room and away from the door. At the same time, she opened herself to presenting as gentle and disarming a smile as she could muster. "You are a truly gifted musician and I am honored to have performed with you. I truly pray it won't be the last time. Please let me introduce you to my own mentor, Lillian string and voice instructor Fujisawa Aika."

Far from reassuring Arisu, Shizuka could see Arisu's anxiety was growing. Her eyes kept darting, and her hands were fidgeting. _She's responding like she's been caught doing something wrong. I don't get it. Something about her isn't adding up, not just her responses but something else as well. I just can't place it. It's vexing since I'm so used to gauging people perfectly, and here when it matters most I can't do it._

"Arisu-san, your gift is incredible," Aika began again. "I realize classes have already started, but I will move Heaven and Earth to move you straight into my advanced strings class if you'll agree to it. I realize you exceed even those students, but as Shizuka-san here can attest I work hard to ensure those who exist at the top are still challenged. I must assume you have tutors as well to have achieved the level you're at with these three instruments?"

Arisu nodded, but clearly wasn't reassured at all my Aika-sensei's words. Shizuka could see tears forming again, and a quivering lip. Before Shizuka could do or say anything else, Arisu began sobbing. "I apologize for taking your valuable time, Fujisawa-sensei and Kanina-sama. You have been most gracious," she exclaimed in a rush and with a brief bow, her reasons for such sentiment mysterious insofar as Shizuka and especially Aika-sensei were concerned. When the girl began running forward, Shizuka expected to be the recipient of Arisu's buried face again, but instead she dove through the door and didn't stop before she was out of sight. The sound of her fleeing footsteps faded quickly down the hall.

"Well, that didn't go well at all," Aika expressed with a mix of exasperation and confusion, misery and defeat. She allowed herself to plop into a nearby chair.

"Don't be so sure, Aika-sensei. She may not be going very far, or if she does we may have the key to finding her."

Aika looked in confusion at her student, who was pensively making her way to the piano where she picked up a small bag. Arisu's purse, clearly forgotten in the heat of the moment.

* * *

><p><strong>***Background Note***<strong>

If you Google "Wieniawski's Polonaise Brillante No.1" and choose the first YouTube option, the Master's performance by So-young Son that is at the top, you get a sense of my mind's eye as I envision Fujisawa Aika and Arisugawa Arisu playing the piece at some later date together. Like one of the commenters, I too like the accompanist at the piano. She looks fun. :-)

My story draws as canon only from the four seasons of anime. Elements I've gleaned from the light novels, both Maria and Buddha, may slip in occasionally at my discretion, but I do not feel constrained in the least by the novels. My goal here is to take two spectacular minor characters, in this case Rosa Canina and Arisugawa Arisu, flesh them out and weave them back into the main story in more-or-less seamless fashion. I hope my effort brings enjoyment to some.

Keep in mind if you feel either Arisu or Rosa Canina are OC now, realize the time of this chapter is over 10 months before we first meet Rosa Canina and maybe 15 months before we meet Arisu. We've seen how much the main characters change in the course of a year due to growing together. Shizuka and Arisu will also experience growth along those same lines.

I hope this story is well received. I have lots more ideas for story chapters in the same timeline and may push them out if there is interest and as time allows in life and without stealing too much away from Voices of the Present, my (currently up to 75k word) SP! magnum opus. Voices of the Present is the story of my head, this is the story of my heart. I would love to tell Arisu's story, my take on it at least, and show how it weaves inobtrusively forward and backward into the anime story we all love so much. It's all in my heart, just a matter of getting it out.


	2. A Friend in Need

**Note: **_I generally dislike deviations from unambiguous canon in my fanfiction. That said, I am going to take a single liberty with the Season 3 timeline. In this story, the class trip to Italy occurs shortly after summer break, perhaps a week or two after Yumi returned from Sachiko's summer home and before the Hanadera meet-and-greet. The adjustment is minor, and will have no upstream or downstream effects. The events below begin a few days after the meet-and-greet between the Hanadera Student Council and the Yamayurikai._

* * *

><p><strong>Looking In<strong>

**A Friend in Need  
><strong>2nd year, early September

"Fujisawa-sensei, do you have a moment?" Fukuzawa Yumi asked the woman passing in the hallway. It was Saturday, well after the last class of the day. Yumi had cleaning duty, which was notorious to run longer on Saturdays. She was surprised to see the instructor in question still on campus, although what she had heard about the woman suggested this happened routinely. Rumors even of Sunday availability abounded.

Ever since summer break, she had been meaning to have a discussion with Fujisawa Aika when the opportunity arose. Unfortunately for her, the summer trip to Italy had hampered her opportunities to make that happen. It had been almost a month, now. She couldn't pass an opportunity up now when it walked right by her. As the woman turned to regard her, Yumi noticed for the first time general similarities to Sachiko-sama. Both were lithe and tall, with long raven-hair and sharp facial features and fine fingers.

_I wonder if they have a common ancestor_, Yumi mused in her nervousness.

"Rosa Chinensis en bouton. Fukuzawa Yumi, correct?" Since Yumi had never taken a class taught by the instructor in question, it made sense that she'd be unsure.

"Yes, Sensei. I wanted to speak with you about a private matter."

The striking middle aged woman seemed thoughtful a moment, then said, "I don't see why not. I was just heading up to check on some students drilling in the music room, but otherwise have nowhere in particular I need to be right now." She then motioned to Yumi to lead wherever she desired.

Although Yumi had never taken a class from the orchestral and voice instructor, the teacher's reputation preceded her as one of the instructors most sincerely interested in student success and fulfillment. Yumi had never heard an unkind word said of Fujisawa, and in fact the praise was often gushing from those who sang or played strings and learned under her guidance. Yumi was counting on that understanding nature.

Yumi led the teacher in the direction of the music room, where along the way also lay her almost certainly empty home room. She peeked into the familiar room, and found it as she expected. She opened the door and motioned Fujisawa in before entering herself and closing the door behind her. Yumi motioned the teacher across the room to stand near the windows, well away from the door in case someone was to come walking by.

The raven-haired woman surprised Yumi by taking a seat at a nearby student desk and indicated for Yumi to sit as well at the adjacent desk, thereby bringing them both more or less to the same level. Fujisawa then crossed her legs, folded her hands around her left knee, and leaned a little toward Yumi before saying, "What can I do for you, Fukuzawa-san?" Yumi marveled at this person, truly feeling that she was the center of this woman's world at this moment.

"As you've already pointed out, I am the en bouton of the current Rosa Chinensis, Ogasawara Sachiko. She's a student of yours, I understand." Yumi paused and saw her audience nod, so continued. "This summer I found myself…shall we say out of my element when joining her for a social gathering. I was expected to be able to perform musically and I could only draw on my experience with the choir in middle school. I was lucky that things turned out well when I went with my instincts and chose to sing the right song." She paused again to take a deep breath and let it back out as a sigh. "Unfortunately, I have a feeling something like this might happen again and I may not be so fortunate next time. I'm thinking it might be best for me to build on the piano skills I learned in elementary school. I don't want to embarrass oneesama now that I know this is something that can happen."

Fujisawa nodded thoughtfully and then chuckled with a smile. "Forgive my expression. In no way do I find your situation humorous, rather I am remembering some similar events in my own life. I come from a family of Osakan factory workers, yet when I pursued music due to a beloved mentor, talent, and dumb luck I found myself out of my element, as you say. There are plenty of conceited musicians from highborn backgrounds, I can assure you." She shook her head with a wry expression. "Now, in your case, unfortunately, it would be next spring before you could begin taking classes in piano, or any other instrument, as part of your coursework. I get the sense that is far too long, and the shared class process would be too slow for your liking. You'd also be a senior then, presumably the standing Rosa Chinensis, taking beginner classes."

Yumi nodded, feeling her stomach drop as she sensed her cause was going to be hopeless.

"You also don't want to pursue this with Sachiko-san as you don't want to burden her or embarrass yourself."

Another nod.

"I have had requests like yours before. Every year I have a couple of outstanding students who desire to pursue music education when they leave Lillian. I will occasionally pair these students with peers like you who are properly motivated, have talent, and will treat seriously the value of these advanced students' time. We'd be talking essentially having a one-on-one student tutor, but I would precept the experience so it would be professional level. Your tutor may expect nominal reimbursement, but I'd do my piece simply for the reward of seeing a bud bloom that otherwise would never have felt the sun of their musical potential. Thoughts?"

Yumi turned the idea over in her mind. She liked the concept, but kept running into the same anxiety. "I very much appreciate the offer, but as you probably know, anything I do around students at Lillian ends up as fodder for rumors, more often than not in the Lillian Karawaban. There is at least one girl on campus other than oneesama and I that was there at the event I mentioned, and I'd rather not invite further embarrassment for Sachiko-sama or myself."

"Hmmm, you do present a conundrum," the teacher said with her brows creased in thought. "As much as my heart goes out to you, I have a policy I must stick with to not provide one-on-one tutoring services outside of the classroom routine. I was once accused of favoritism earlier in my career, and the accusation was justified. I don't want to cause distress like that again."

Yumi's face fell, although her impression of Fujisawa rose to see for herself validation of the general peer sense of the integrity of this woman. She sighed, then stood and bowed. "I apologize for taking your valuable time, Fujisawa-sensei. You have been most gracious."

Before she could turn to leave, Fujisawa spoke again. "Your words just now remind me of another option." Yumi turned to regard the teacher again, who was biting the lower edge of her lip in a thoughtful expression. "I have an assistant who helps me on occasions when she isn't redirected by outside commitments. She provides additional training for my most advanced or motivated students. These are students who would normally outstrip my ability to provide complete instruction since I only have so much time and must focus also on those struggling in order to keep the whole class moving along. She's also a master of some instruments of which I am not, for example the harp, and allows Lillian to provide instruction we otherwise wouldn't provide. She's something of a prodigy with strings, anything with strings as far as I can tell…someone a teacher like me sees a handful of times in a career if we're extremely lucky. She's a high school student, your own grade level actually, although she doesn't attend Lillian due to family issues. Still, circumstances occurred which encouraged her own school's primary music instructor to request that I consider her as a protégé."

Yumi wasn't sure where this was going. "Fujisawa-sensei, I must believe I would be wasting such a person's time."

Fujisawa smiled, a gentle and reassuring smile that calmed Yumi's anxieties rather than added to them. "Normally with someone like I describe, I would agree. Gifts like hers often lead to conceit. This young woman, however, is about as self-effacing as anyone can be. She comes from a family with status equivalent to that of your oneesama, but like Ogasawara-san I've never seen her dwell on it. If anything, she has confidence issues, which admittedly is about all I can help her with now given her technical skills. She recently saw a dear friend transfer away and it's left her somewhat adrift. Honestly, Fukuzawa-san, based on what I have heard about you and have seen right now, you two might be very good for each other. If that's true, it would greatly enhance your potential learning."

Yumi had to admit she was curious, if nothing else. She trusted this woman, and wanted to believe this might work after all. She knew her tendency toward optimism would likely be her undoing, but it seemed worth a shot. "I would be willing to meet her," Yumi allowed.

"Excellent," Fujisawa said as she arose from the chair. "It just so happens she's here right now. It is her drilling the students that I was going to check on. If you would follow me, you can at least get a sense of her teaching style, and perhaps the two of you can have a moment alone to speak."

Yumi had been planning to join Yoshino at the Rose Mansion, but they had made no specific plan to meet or do anything in particular. She knew Sachiko had family plans this afternoon and would no longer be there now. "Thank you for the offer and I would be happy to accept," Yumi said with a bow.

*****PGBR*****

Yumi and Fujisawa-sensei made their way up to the music room. As they approached the door, Yumi could hear the distinctive sound of harp playing, and from her limited experience listening to the instrument it sounded pretty good. She immediately recognized the music as an arrangement of Ave Maria, a common enough piece for the harp although it seemed always to remind her of Rosa Canina, and likely always would given the woman's personal gravitas. Yumi found herself pausing just before arriving at the open door, not wanting to interrupt someone's effort. She turned to look back at Fujisawa-sensei, who indicated that they indeed should remain there for the time being.

As Yumi would readily admit, she was a much more experienced spectator for instrumental music than a participant. She wasn't ignorant of music; having had a reasonable amount of training in music theory and voice in middle school. Still, she knew she was no expert, hence her presence here. As she listened to the current performance, she could tease out mild timing issues such as slowing during complex parts, and some of the notes sounded a little weak. All in all, to her it appeared a solid performance for what she had to assume was a challenging instrument based on appearance.

When the piece was complete, she heard a quiet, slightly childlike voice she had difficulty clearly hearing from her vantage point in the hallway praise the effort but suggest changes in wrist placement and posture. The patience and gentleness of the speaker was remarkable, even without having a mental image or being able to see her body language. She had to agree with Fujisawa-sensei that this tutor was non-threatening. The students, she could place at least three voices, seemed very engaged and comfortable. The conversation ended with the tutor agreeing to a consensus request that she demonstrate.

What came next stunned Yumi. The rendition of Ave Maria now coming from the room could only be compared to an instrumental equivalent of Rosa Canina's voice. Although she would forever hold her oneesama's piano version dear, from an artistic and technical perspective Yumi had to admit this equaled or perhaps even exceeded Sachiko-sama. She realized now that the version played by the previous student had been stripped of notes; she could only imagine the superhuman fingerings that were producing what she heard now. Beyond the technical acumen, the heart she felt infused in the piece filled her. She looked back at Fujisawa and could see the teacher felt likewise, eyes closed and slowly rocking her head with the music.

_Maybe not threatening, but perhaps still intimidating._ She mentally imagined now someone like Rosa Canina in her mind, although the voice had sounded younger. Her curiosity grew to at least meet this "prodigy" as Fujisawa had termed her.

She then heard the voice again, encouraging her students to focus on their posture and hand placement, assuring them that they could achieve similar results if they kept making such things an unconscious habit.

"I think we can go in now," Fujisawa-sensei said with a light tap on her shoulder.

Yumi moved as quietly as possible to slip into the room and then aside so that Fujisawa could lead. She saw there were three girls in Lillian uniforms arrayed before the harp, none of whom she was familiar with although she recognized one as a fellow second year from a different class. Sitting behind the harp was another girl, clad in the conservative skirt and blouse manner of female Lillian instructors despite her youthful stature, hands apparently on her lap although Yumi didn't have a clear view given the girl's back was facing her. The girl's brown hair was held in tight curls. Although she couldn't see her face at all, something about her felt familiar.

"Good afternoon, ladies," the teacher began. "It sounds like practice is going well. I was hoping the students wouldn't mind me borrowing your tutor for a moment."

"We're at a good point for a break," the tutor girl said as she stood up to turn around to face the door. "Let's start again in fifteen…" The voice trailed off as recognition dawned and a look of mild panic briefly followed.

"Arisu…" Yumi began, almost ending in 'kun' before stopping herself in uncertainty. By doing so, however, she ended up suggesting a great deal of familiarity with the subject named.

"Oh," Yumi heard Fujisawa say and then pause. "You two know each other?" she then asked, herself now clearly uncertain.

Yumi didn't know exactly what to say, and she was sure her face was cycling furiously through her entire repertoire of expressions.

"Yes, Fujisawa-sensei," Arisu began with a deep breath, confidence apparently returning along with Arisu's trademark infectious "girl-mode" smile. "I tutor Yumi-chan's younger brother in electric guitar through a similar arrangement at Hanadera. More or less." That last was added after the briefest of pauses and with a disarming smile and a quick wink at Yumi- the classic Arisu that Yumi had already become fond of in the handful of times they'd met.

Yumi felt herself blush and she dropped her eyes, not missing the reference to the embarrassing, for her and Yuuki at least, events a few days prior during the formal meet-and-greet between Hanadera's and Lillian's student councils. _Guitar. That must explain why Yuuki has been improving so much lately when I hear him practice. He used to be downright awful._

The three students seemed oblivious to the undertone of events between Arisu and Yumi. They had risen from the chairs and were filing out of the room past Yumi and Fujisawa so they could enjoy their break. When the three had departed, Fujisawa closed the door behind them.

"I didn't know you played the electric guitar as well. Then again, it has strings. Why am I surprised?" Fujisawa asked rhetorically, head shaking and with a smile indicating she was impressed yet more with the young musical prodigy.

"I'm barely passable at it, Aika-sensei," Arisu explained. "I had acoustic guitar to build from and you knew I can play that, although I must admit they're different enough that I have a host of bad habits. Yuuki-kun expressed vexation with his attempts at playing his, and after hearing him I shared his pain. Quite literally, in fact."

Yumi could hear Arisu's gentle humor behind those words directed at her, and she couldn't help but smile.

"I promised I'd help him. I've been self-teaching just enough to stay ahead of him, although I must admit it's a fun instrument so I haven't minded. Kobayashi-kun keeps saying we should start a band, but he's even worse than Yuukichi, so I've been trying hard to dissuade him."

Arisu smiled as she finished with the teacher and turned her voice toward Yumi. "So to what do I owe the honor of a visit from the Rosa Chinensis en bouton," Arisu began again, looking toward Yumi, standing straight with hands clasped demurely at waist level in front of her skirt.

"You know about Lillian's student council structure, Arisu-chan?" Fujisawa inquired.

_Arisu-chan._ The term tossed about in Yumi's head as she wondered if Fujisawa knew Arisu's full background. Yumi knew students at Lillian Women's College occasionally obtained credentials to act as teaching assistants at the other Lillian schools, but Arisu wasn't a Lillian College student…could never be one in fact. _How did Arisu become a music tutor at Lillian?_

"Your school newspaper," Arisu explained logically. "I pick one up every time I come on campus. Yumi-san is regularly covered, as are the other members of the Yamayuri Council. You forget also that the Hanadera Student Council and the Yamayurikai interact together a lot more than the rest of the student body members of either school."

Fujisawa looked back and forth from Arisu to Yumi several times, trying to gauge something for sure.

Arisu took pity on the teacher. "The bottom line is Yumi-san knows who I am, that I attend Hanadera with all it implies, that I'm on the student council with her brother, and that I would be attending Lillian had life been more fair." Arisu grimaced and shrugged at that last, sighing in apparent frustration.

"I suppose that makes sense with you both being on your respective student councils. As usual, I didn't think through the non-audible details." She chuckled, apparently at her own folly. "Well, that certainly does make things easier for me. Fukuzawa-san, this may make things harder or easier for you, however. Arisu-chan is the tutor I had in mind for you. I don't know if you know this, but she's a very good pianist; although it isn't her primary instrument she's at least on par with your oneesama. As you desired, she isn't part of the Lillian student body. A side benefit is she knows exactly the audience you described you're striving to satisfy.

"Unlike most who play at her level, she's just as good a teacher as she is a player, even to novices. If I wasn't certain she had a future in the concert halls of high-class society, I'd be trying to make her my own protégé as an educator. I still maintain she's wasted on Hanadera, despite my respect for Saito-sensei. I've told him as much, and he even agrees." She shrugged. "Anyway, I trust her discretion to keep a secret, although you may have more basis to form an opinion on that than I." She then turned to Arisu. "Fukuzawa-san would like to learn piano. She had some training in elementary school and I understand has a reasonable grasp of music theory based on more extensive voice experience in middle school. She has reasons for not wanting tutoring from a Lillian student, which was my first option, but I'll leave those details for her to share."

Arisu closed the distance and stood before Yumi. "I think Yumi-san and I will need to talk a bit before this is decided," Arisu began, bending down and turning her face upwards a little to meet eyes with the downcast Yumi. Yumi felt herself smile at Arisu's attempt at defusing tension. "First off I want to apologize for being so familiar back when the students were here. I fully appreciate you didn't mean to use just my given name, and I am grateful you didn't finish off the way I know you were originally intending."

Yumi looked back up, knowing she now wore a guilty expression. Arisu straightened up as well so they were face-to-face.

"It's okay, Yumi-san. Really, I appreciate it. Few people are so understanding." Arisu turned her head a bit to smile gratefully at Fujisawa-sensei before returning her attention back to Yumi. "I didn't want to embarrass either of us, so I kept with it. I know you let me call you Yumi-chan back during summer break when we spent the afternoon together with the rest of the Hanadera student council. It was fun to go shopping together given the boys would have been bored with us. Still, I wouldn't presume that extends back to 'real life'. I don't want another misunderstanding like we had a few days ago."

Yumi was feeling overwhelmed, but at the same time she couldn't help but like Arisu. Her…her?...yes _her_ manner was infectious and made it impossible to fix anything negative on her for any length of time. Even now, she was giving Yumi every chance to back away from everything- familiarity and tutoring- now that Yumi was gathering all the pieces together. "Yumi-chan is fine for now, at least until we can talk more. It would seem odd if the music students saw a change based on the story they now have. May I call you Arisu-chan?"

"You may," Arisu said with a pleased look.

"I have to admit I am envious of your ability to think on your feet, perhaps even more than I envy your music skills. You handled the students marvelously given my faux paux."

"Oh Yumi-chan, don't feel that way. I'm sure it was quite a shock, and you went along with it seamlessly. I've just had a lot more experience slipping out of difficult situations. My life if full of them, as you could probably guess," she finished with a wry grin and rolled eyes.

Sounds of conversation became audible outside the door. "I think the others are starting to collect again," Fujisawa interrupted further discussion between the two. "How shall we proceed, ladies?"

_Ladies. I really do need to talk with Fujisawa-sensei about something having nothing to do with music._ "I'd like to stay and observe the rest of the session, if that's okay," Yumi announced.

Arisu's smile returned. "I'd like that."

"Fine with me. Arisu-chan, if you wouldn't mind taking charge again, I'm going back to the teacher's office to work on papers." She turned to Yumi and went on, "I'll be here until about four-ish if you want to speak more to me, or you can try and tag me next week." She then turned to the door, but added to Yumi before opening it, "I want to commend you for your open-mindedness, Fukuzawa-san. It will bring me great joy to see you as the next Rosa Chinensis. You've made a new fan, so please let me know if I can ever be of more assistance to you." Fujisawa smiled warmly as she turned the knob, opened the door, and departed down the hallway.

"Yumi-chan, if you'd like to have a seat over there by the piano, we can proceed with the rest of the lesson." Arisu motioned in the direction of the piano as she herself moved back to join the girls arrayed around the harp. One of them, the second year, had already claimed the seat behind the harp, apparently certain she was next up.

_She's well organized if nothing else_, Yumi thought to herself. _I guess that should go without saying for a Hanadera Secretary._

*****PGBR*****

"You really are amazing, Arisu-chan," Yumi shared once the students were all safely gone and they had the room to themselves.

"I wish you wouldn't say that," Arisu responded uncomfortably. "My father was a concert violinist and my mother is a noted pianist and composer. My grandfather is a highly noted composer. It runs in my family, I just happened to exist, such as it is."

Yumi looked at her newest friend before her and felt unsure how to respond. Just as with Touko and Kanako, there was something major about Arisu that Yumi couldn't put her finger on, something Yumi felt compelled to help with but which wouldn't become apparent until the others talked or circumstances brought it out. Like with the others, she knew she'd just have to 'wing it' for now with Arisu and follow her instincts. In Arisu's case, though, she planned to have some long conversations with Yuuki. Just as Yuuki had indicated with her, she was impressed with how her brother was growing and she trusted in this instance that he could be a helpful ally with his peculiar classmate and friend…or was that vice versa that she would be Yuuki's ally? Yumi was flummoxed over which it would be with the dichotomous Arisu.

_I just wish Yuuki would be more forthcoming sharing about his life with me. Imagine, Student Council President and I find out along with the rest of the Yamayurikai, and only because Shimako thought to ask the question!_

_Then again, am I any better? I was the one who said we're 'more or less'._

"You know, you get the funniest expressions when you're thinking intensely about something," Arisu said, interrupting Yumi's thoughts and making her realize the other girl was regarding her.

"I'm sorry, Arisu-chan," she said, feeling her cheeks warm as she blushed with embarrassment.

"It's okay. I know being around me is awkward for people." Arisu got up to start putting the cover on the harp and finish preparing the room for her departure.

"Please believe that's not it, or at least not any more so than for any new friend I'm just getting to know. You're intriguing, Arisu-chan, of that I can't lie. I don't understand what it must be like to be in your position, but I'm hoping you'll share and I can learn to be a better friend."

Arisu had heard this as she was jumping up to flip the soft cover over and down the harp. She stopped her effort, holding the fabric bunched up at the level of her chest. "You know, Yuukichi said much the same thing to me last year when we started interacting as assistants to Kashiwagi-senpai. You two are more, rather than less, alike you know." She then continued sliding the fabric down the harp and smoothing the cover to make it look nice.

"I know," Yumi said with a sigh. "It can just be embarrassing. During elementary school, we were often confused for true identical twins. We were pretty much the same height then, with essentially the same build and with similar voices. Obviously, if we were identical though, that meant either Yuuki was a girl or I was boy. It got us into a lot of trouble at times. Sometimes we'd be confused for each other, like the time I got in trouble going into the girl's bathroom at a store because a Hanadera teacher only knew about Yuuki and thought I was him. He'll probably say it differently if you ask him, but I think I got the short end of the confusion. I once was randomly attacked at a park by a particularly violent rival of his and had to fight my way out. He didn't give me a chance to explain and didn't hold back. It was three weeks before my black eye faded and we thought for a brief moment that my nose might have been broken." Yumi paused to sigh deeply. "After that, I grew my hair out and started wearing skirts and dresses all the time, even in the summer, rather than shorts or jeans. It was frustrating since I didn't like skirts at the time at all and didn't like fussing over long hair."

"That's horrible," Arisu empathized, having come back to sit next to Yumi. "I've been the subject of fights, but at least they've all been my own. Usually it's others who are getting pulled into my fights."

Yumi looked at Arisu with a quizzical expression.

"You saw the rest of the student council. Like you, I'm half the size of some of my peers at Hanadera. Unlike you, I'm not granted female privilege just by making it outwardly clear I'm a girl. I've tried to learn some martial arts, but have never really gotten good at it. If I'm unable to run I just have to ride with it, humor them until they get bored or someone rescues me. I guess now's a good time to express my gratitude to you for your brother's kind heart. He, Kashiwagi-senpai, and Takada-kun have consistently been my protectors since I started high school at Hanadera. I'm not sure I'd still be around if it weren't for them."

Arisu's eyes were downcast at the last, but Yumi sensed by "around" that Arisu meant in this life. _I guess I never thought about what it must be like for her at an all-boy's school. It's like what I experienced when I was occasionally mistaken for Yuuki, only all the time and with no simple solution._

"I'm going to say it again, Arisu-chan. You are amazing. I don't think I would have been strong enough to handle it if I had been forced to continue living in Yuuki's world. I don't know how he handles it, but he's a guy and he seems to thrive on it for all the complaining he does at home."

"He whines a lot in the student council room, too. We tease him over it. Outside, though, he's all business. He is a remarkable leader, strong and gallant, and is turning the school upside down on the strength of his character."

Yumi watched Arisu's eyes as she described her brother and couldn't help but smile as she realized something. "You have a crush on my brother, don't you?" Yumi realized her observation could be interpreted as threatening to Arisu, so she worked hard to convey her good humor in her expression.

Arisu did, indeed, look like a child caught climbing a chair to get at a cookie jar.

"It's okay, Arisu-chan. Seriously, I don't mind. I obviously don't share your feelings since he IS my kid brother, but listening to him described through your eyes, I can see why another girl would find him attractive."

Arisu's eyes shimmered with emotion, but she didn't repeat the histrionics of a few days ago. "You really do see me as a girl?"

Yumi thought it over, not wanting to insult her friend with a quick answer since the question was clearly serious business for Arisu. "I guess it would have to depend on the circumstance. You yourself switch roles back and forth between your worlds. Right this minute, absolutely and without hesitation I see you as a girl. Someone I can talk about crushes with, share tidbits of gossip, be affectionate with and the like." Yumi emphasized the point as she was saying this by reaching over and placing her hand on Arisu's forearm. She squeezed the spot she was touching before sitting back again in her chair. "Put you in your Hanadera uniform and stick you in a group of guys, and I'd have to say probably not." A thought occurred to her. "You're like a chameleon. You change colors based on the environment you're placed in. Like the chameleon, you can't really help it. It's not what you want, per se, but rather an unconscious defensive mechanism."

Arisu's tears had already faded and she now looked thoughtful before chuckling slightly. "You're right, of course. Not that I have much of a choice right now, as you say, but I do slip back and forth. I wear that uniform like a costume, playing out a role so ingrained that I become it. Perhaps that's why I love acting so much and am told I'm so good at it. Given my body and the expectations of the world, I've had little choice. It won't be forever, though," she added with an inscrutable expression.

Given Yumi's previous recognition that Arisu could be driven to drastic lengths, that last made her nervous. She reached over and placed her hand again on Arisu's arm, looking into her eyes. "Arisu, don't do anything to hurt yourself, okay? I know Yuuki and I, and your friends in the Yamayurikai and Hanadera Student Council would be very sad if something bad happened to you."

Arisu smiled in embarrassment. "I think you misunderstood me. Trust me, there's nothing to worry about. I'm not sure how to explain, but it's certainly not a bad thing. Anyway," Arisu began as she lifted herself up from the chair, stretching and then unconsciously smoothing her blouse and skirt, "I think it would be nice to get outside and enjoy the rest of the day. Summer won't be here forever and we'll miss it when it's gone."

*****PGBR*****

Yumi and Arisu walked the gingko tree-lined paths of Lillian with no specific destination in mind. It was late afternoon, but there were numerous students still making their way around campus. Saturdays were prime club time. They tended to lesser traveled walkways, but they still occasionally passed students known to Yumi, or more often students for whom Yumi was known to them. The greetings shared were natural, with no one remarking at all at Arisu's presence. She blended perfectly, a nondescriptly dressed off-campus guest, and Yumi marveled at the naturalness of it all.

"You know the paths really well, Arisu-chan." Yumi noted, unsure how to ask the question on her mind.

"I do, don't I?" Arisu answered with a smile, and then paused a few moments as a gentle tease to Yumi. She then continued on to appease her friend's infamous curiosity. "I've been wandering Lillian grounds since I was 12. I actually have explored the middle-school grounds better than I have the high school, although I've never actually been inside the middle school buildings."

"Oh. I guess that would make sense. Have you known Fujisawa-sensei that long?"

"Oh no, she and I only met last year, when I started high school. Now there's a story." Arisu smiled, apparently remembering something pleasant. "I'm willing to share it, but it's a long one and requires more privacy."

"We could go to the Rose Mansion. I want to check to see if anyone is still there, and I need to retrieve my book bag before I go home."

"Is it okay for me to go in there," Arisu asked nervously.

"That's up to you, I suppose. Oneesama isn't there this afternoon, if that's what you're worrying about." Arisu's embarrassed nod indicted that was at least part of it. A small part of Yumi felt satisfaction at Arisu's continued contriteness at her gauche action of a few days prior, an action which had distressed her beloved oneesama dearly. Still, most of her was starting to realize how difficult it must be for this girl; a girl denied being a girl, always on the outside looking in.

Yumi gently grasped Arisu's wrist and coaxed her along in the direction of the Rose Mansion. "If anyone else is still there, I'm sure it'll be fine. We're all friends now." Yumi smiled in an effort to reassure the clearly nervous girl. Arisu smiled slightly, but remained silent for long enough that Yumi thought her friend might be having serious reservations about continuing the conversation. Still, she didn't protest as they arrived at the Rose Mansion and stepped inside. Before they could continue up the stairs, however, Arisu motioned Yumi to stop. In the end, they settled on the bottom the stairs, sitting side by side.

_Oneesama would chide me if she saw me now, sitting on the ground in my uniform._

"Yumi-chan, your class went to Italy for several days, coming back just a few weeks ago."

Yumi's head spun slightly from the apparent change of topic. Arisu had made it a statement, but Yumi answered it as a question. "Um, yes. It's our second year class's equivalent to the trip you and Yuuki will be taking in October to India to visit places like Bodh Gaya and Uttar Prisesh."

"How did it feel to be away from your family?"

Yumi thought for a moment about it. "I really didn't think about it much. It was only for about a week, and I had all my friends there."

Arisu nodded, clearly not surprised at all with the answer. "Not all your friends. How did you feel being away from your oneesama?"

Yumi's wasn't sure where this was going, but she could see in Arisu's somewhat sad expression that this was serious for the confusing girl. Although embarrassed, she answered truthfully. "I missed her dearly, Arisu-chan. Rarely did an hour go by that I didn't wish she was there with me, that I could hear her voice, that I could share the wonderful experience with her. I missed her even as we were seeing some of the most precious and amazing things in the world."

"I know. While you were there, you saw one of the most precious things in my life."

Yumi was completely confused now, both by the words and the deep emotion currently displayed by her friend. "Arisu-chan, what is this all about? You're crying."

Arisu leaned across toward Yumi and placed her forehead on Yumi's shoulder. Yumi wasn't disturbed by the action in the slightest, and turned slightly toward Arisu so she could place her hand on Arisu's shoulder in support of what was obviously something very hard for Arisu to talk about.

"When I committed my horrible blunder with Sachiko-sama in that meeting, it was because she touched feelings in me very similar to what you were feeling back in Italy. When I spoke of wanting to be Sachiko-sama's little sister, I meant Sachiko-sama in a generic sense, although I didn't say it like that and I fully understand why you and the others came to the wrong conclusion." Arisu stopped briefly to sniff back tears. "Even in an alternate universe where I could have attended Lillian and where I wasn't reproachful to Sachiko-sama, I would never have been a threat to you or what the two of you have. I wouldn't ever threaten you because I know how precious what you have is. I too have an oneesama, and I miss her so very much."

At this Arisu began softly crying into Yumi's shoulder. Yumi tightened her embrace of the brown-haired girl and allowed her to cry herself out. Only when her distressed friend pulled away of her own accord did Yumi reach into her pocket and pull out her handkerchief to hand to her rather disheveled friend. Arisu accepted it graciously and wiped her eyes and cheeks.

"I'm sorry for making the shoulder of your uniform wet," Arisu began once she was reasonably settled again.

"I get the feeling when you say oneesama, Arisu-chan, that you're talking in the soeur sense, and not in the familial sense." Yumi gently stated to ensure she was clear.

"You would be correct," Arisu responded with a shy smile. "Given I'm not a Lillian student and never will be, it's technically unofficial. Oneesama knows, of course. Fujisawa-sensei knows and one other at Lillian before now you. If anyone else here knew, I'm sure they'd laugh at me for feeling so serious about it."

"Arisu-chan," Yumi said with very intense feelings of her own. "It's clearly serious to you. Does your oneesama feel just as strongly?"

Arisu in answer reached down the neck of her blouse and brought a simple but remarkably elegant, hand-carved wooden rosary into view.

"It's beautiful, Arisu-chan. I'm sure your oneesama must care for you very much to have given you such a lovely rosary. Anyone who would laugh at you either has never had an oneesama or imoto, or must have no heart."

"Or is a boy," Arisu commented with a wry smile. "But thank you for the kind words. I do appreciate it."

"So may I ask who it is? Do I know her?"

"You may, and yes you do. She recently left Lillian. That said, you saw her just recently." Arisu then just smiled, looking expectantly at Yumi.

Yumi's brow furrowed at the riddle. _Recently left Lillian. I know her and recently saw her._

Recent memories of sitting on grass came to the front of her mind, along with a harp playing Ave Maria. '_While you were there, you saw one of the most precious things in my life.'_

"Rosa Canina!" Yumi exclaimed.

Arisu smiled widely, clearly proud to have someone else to share the knowledge with. "In a more fair world, I would be the Rosa Canina en bouton if there were such a thing. So no, other than wishing she didn't find me disgusting, I have no aspersions on your beloved oneesama."

"Wow, that does sound like quite a story." Yumi expressed, still trying to reconcile the new knowledge to her own previous assumptions about the phenomenal woman in question as well as what was and wasn't possible for Arisu.

"Would you be willing to listen to something?" Yumi saw Arisu pull out a small MP3 player with ear buds. The device looked well loved.

"Um, sure."

Yumi placed the ear buds while Arisu explained it was an adaptation of an ancient Latin chant called Lux Eterna performed to the music of Edward Elgar's Nimrod from the Enigma Variations. Once again, Yumi wasn't sure where Arisu was going, but she now trusted it would likely be profound. Arisu began the music, and from the quick action Yumi suspected this particular track was listened to frequently.

The piece began quietly to the sound of a lone violin in long notes. A voice began, which she identified as Rosa Canina's stunning crystal soprano singing in Latin. The blending of the two was among the most harmonious things she had ever heard in her life. Soon a counter violin came in and then over time other instruments in warm tones as the piece rose to its peak, but ever the violin and voice played point and counterpoint to each other through the crescendo and the end. By the time there was silence, Yumi felt she better understood Shimako's feelings while viewing Michelangelo's The Last Judgment in the Sistine Chapel in Rome.

"What did you think, Yumi-chan?"

Under other circumstances, Yumi might have felt uncomfortable since Arisu's heart was clearly unprotected and wholly invested in Yumi's answer. Fortunately, it was easy in this case. "It was about the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, Arisu-chan. The voice was Rosa Canina. Were you the lead violin?"

Arisu needn't have consciously expressed an answer at all given the grin she was wearing at the moment, but she nodded. "This was recorded two days before Oneesama flew to Italy. We performed at St Mary's Cathedral. She's devout Catholic and her parents pulled some strings to allow us the time to do this. Given her history of performances for the Tokyo Archdiocese, it wasn't hard. The supporting violin was Aika-sensei, the viola was my mother, and the bass was my familial sister. The horns were provided by the music instructor at Hanadera, Saito-sensei, and his partner. He's not Catholic, but he was easily convinced to participate being eager for a chance to play in a venue normally closed to him. He's actually quite a charming man, gay as all get out and keeps trying to convince me I am too."

Arisu's smile now was amused and she rolled her eyes. "I suppose I like boys, but only after I'm all girl." Arisu's eyes became distant as she finished the description with, "And most amazing, grandfather was there to hear it. He'd arranged the music." Arisu blinked and seemed to return to Earth. "Anyway, I shouldn't keep us on these steps forever. I'll follow wherever you lead." Arisu put away the player as she was saying the last.

Yumi nodded, realizing she'd be thinking a lot more on what Arisu had just said. "I'm excited to hear how this all came about. I must say you are about the most interesting person I've ever met, Arisu-chan. I also want to explain a little more about my own oneesama, which will hopefully put your mind a little more at ease about why she is the way she is. Honestly, my reaction a few days ago was as much the fact Sachiko-sama responded as positively to you as to what you said. Can we, however, move it upstairs to someplace more comfortable and where I can serve my new piano teacher some proper tea?" Yumi smiled at Arisu, then lifted herself up and reached down to help Arisu up as well. They dusted off the bottoms of their skirts and started their way up the stairs to the Yamayuri gathering room.

As they arrived at the top of the steps and turned down the hall, they could see Noriko standing at the open door, face downcast and looking contrite. Yumi moved ahead of Arisu, concerned that there was something wrong with Shimako's petite soeur. She came up to Noriko and asked, "Is something wrong, Noriko-chan?"

Noriko looked to her side and into the room. Yumi peeked around the corner to see Shimako sitting alone at the table, expression troubled and looking back to her en bouton. Noriko turned her face back to Yumi. "Forgive me, Yumi-san. I saw you and Arisu-kun walking up to the Rose Mansion. When you didn't arrive soon after, I insisted on checking on you despite Oneesama's assurance you would be alright. I overheard your conversation at the bottom of the stairs."

Yumi was unsure what to say at this point, reviewing in her mind what had been said and realizing what a big mess this made of things.

Shimako arose from her seat and came out to stand next to her petite soeur. "Please forgive my petite soeur Arisu-chan," Shimako said. "We have already had a brief conversation about discretion and spying and will follow up later with polite references to guests. It is a failure of my guidance, for which I am most sorry." Shimako bowed. Yumi didn't miss the way Shimako referred to Arisu, using familiarity unusual to her in an apparent point to Noriko, whose eyes widened in apparent realization of her newest gaffe.

Arisu slipped around Yumi to stand before Shimako, and the latter rose herself back up to regard Arisu who was smiling broadly. "It's alright, Shimako-san. You can stay around for me to tell the story to both Noriko-san and Yumi-san, or you can handle telling Noriko-san on your own. I don't know how much you've told her about Oneesama and I wouldn't want to tell the story poorly to someone so important to you."

Yumi's jaw dropped, and she could see Noriko's eyes raise up in similar surprise. Both girls turned to regard Shimako. "Oneesama?" Noriko said as a question, leaving Yumi unsure whether it was in query to her own sister or in reference to Arisu's phrasing which implied Shimako knew more than the current events.

Shimako looked to Arisu, who nodded back. Shimako turned then to Yumi and said, "I've known about Arisu-san and Shizuka-sama being soeurs since it became official. Shizuka-sama presented Arisu-san with her rosary," Shimako gestured at the artifact which still hung in view on Arisu's chest, "immediately after the performance I believe Arisu-san just shared with you. Arisu-san, would you be so kind as to loan Noriko-chan your player long enough for her to hear it? I'd very much like her to hear it." She turned to her petite soeur and added, "Please understand this means a lot to me, Noriko-chan. I promise you can reciprocate with a musical reference of your choice later."

Yumi knew this was in reference to their habit now of trading back and forth Catholic and Buddhist perspectives. Arisu pulled out the player and handed the ear buds to Noriko. As Noriko listened, Shimako went on. "Shizuka-sama invited me to her send off performance at St Mary's. I'm very glad to have gone since, as you know, she and I have continued corresponding while she's been in Italy, and our pen-pal arrangement grew from that event. Arisu-san and I often share our letters since Shizuka-sama is often too busy to write both of us as often as she…or Arisu-san," Shimako added with a smile at Arisu, "would like. She and Arisu-san explained about Arisu-san's background afterwards as we strolled the cathedral together. I promised to be supportive of Arisu-san in Shizuka-sama's absence. Hopefully by hearing the whole story, Noriko-chan may be of assistance as well and we can avoid any more unfortunate faux pauxs."

By now, Noriko had finished listening to the piece. "You've mentioned Rosa Canina was a fine vocalist, Oneesama, but your description was unable to do her justice. She's truly gifted. Arisu-san, I went back to Oneesama when you were sharing the piece with Yumi-san so I didn't hear anything after that. Am I to assume the lead violin was you?" Arisu nodded. "I hope then to hear you play more. You are very good." Arisu smiled in response to the praise.

"Now, may I suggest we each have a seat and let Noriko provide us some tea," Shimako offered. "If we're going to be telling a story, we'd best get started."

* * *

><p><strong>***Background***<strong>

The Lux Eterna, or Eternal Light, has ancient roots. Modern composers have merged it with Sir Edward Elgar's Nimrod from the Enigma Variations. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the 2000 Clint Mansell "Requiem for a Dream" piece. I encourage anyone interested to type "Lux Eterna Elgar" into Google. The Choir of King's College, Cambridge version on YouTube is pretty good, only a little over 3 minutes, and gives you a sense of how it sounds in a proper cathedral as I depict for Rosa Canina and her petite soeur. St Mary's is a real cathedral in Tokyo, and from what I have been told has superb acoustics (see next paragraph). I don't think it's unreasonable to believe someone of Rosa Canina's abilities would be able to get time mid-week to perform there as a send off before studying in Rome.

For an idea of the internal appearance and acousics of St Mary's in Tokyo for a mixed string/vocal performance, Google "Heinrich-Schutz Chor Tokyo & Ubiquitos Bach plays J.'s BWV147-6" and choose the top YouTube link. This isn't the piece I envision given what I describe is obviously unique having been written for the event by grandfather Arisugawa, but it gives you a sense of the ambiance that Rosa Canina, her petite soeur, and their co-performers would experience.

I was immediately drawn to the character of Arisugawa Arisu (Alice) ever since I first watched Season 3. Although some might argue my point that she's a transgirl, given her description of herself in the anime during her breakdown to Sachiko there is no doubt in my mind exactly what she is. I can relate to this character, and she's haunted me to write about her for years, weaving in elements of my own experience as well as that of all the transgendered youth I have had the sincere privilege to work with over time. Until now, I just couldn't figure out the right background for her.

I recently had the honor of making the acquaintance of a young (relative to me at least) transwoman who is a world-class musician in a major city orchestra in North America. She's not exactly out, so I will leave this description generic. We shared stories of challenging childhoods living with gender dysphoria while still pursuing our dreams. Suffice it to say, she's my template for Arisu. Someone with a rare gift for strings, who had to overcome some major hurdles, and who is now happy and complete. Like her, my own experience is that successful trans people, and there are a lot of us who are quite successful thank you very much, are such because of someone(s) in their life who stood by them and befriended or mentored them. That someone needn't be trans, and in fact usually isn't. What they have in common is open-mindedness, insight, and compassion. Although she is seen as manipulative, and deservedly so, Rosa Canina is all the things I describe. She also was particularly focused on the topic of Yumi finding an imoto when she spoke with Yumi in Italy. Given she told Shimako she lacked a petite soeur during Season 1/Episode 6, this seemed perplexing and out-of-place. It got me thinking of an alternate possibility for why Rosa Canina might have little sisters on her mind when seeing Yumi. As much as Yumi was missing her oneesama at that moment on the lawn in Pisa, in my mind Shizuka was missing her petite soeur just as much...albeit in her own more mature and long-viewed fashion.

The final link was how to bring them together. I was clued in by a friend who writes Marimite fanfic to a story Konno-sensei wrote about Arisu borrowing one of Yumi's uniforms and wandering the Lillian campus. I chose to adapt the idea for my own nefarious purposes and run with it as a way to bring these two intriguing young women together.

Next up we go back to reunite poor Arisu with her wayward purse. :-)


	3. Ave Maria

**Looking In**

**Ave Maria  
><strong>1st year, April

Arisu ran.

She ran from the room. She ran from the floor. She ran out the door and fled the building. She ran down the path to leave Lillian forever, past Maria-sama who had at best abandoned her and at worst turned against her.

Just like God.

Just like Kanina-sama.

_Why did she bring her teacher? Why did she have to bring an official into it?_

However foolish she might be, Arisu wasn't dumb. Although she hadn't provided a family name, she knew they'd discover she was an imposter. If there was by some miracle an Arisu who transferred in this year, she'd be a different…and far more lucky given her God-given femininity…person. The campus would be on alert now. Her refuge, her hopes and dreams, were now finished. Now there was nothing standing between her and puberty…and no doubt her death in one way or another.

_I can't be Kintarou. Not only am I a joke playing that part, living that life, but I don't want it. Soon my body will betray me; scar me irrevocably as someone I'm not. No more will I be able to get away even for a few brief moments of serenity. I can't live like that._

Arisu knew Japan had the highest suicide rate in the western world, something usually attributed to the stress of a test-based advancement system.

_I wonder what they'll attribute mine to?_

Arisu realized she'd reached the gate and was now leaning against the adjacent wall with the top of her head, face looking down at the ground, tears watering the ever green ivy.

_Why did I trust her? I knew it was a trap, and I gladly walked into it. Somehow I thought Kanina-sama would be different. I wanted her to be different. She felt a little like Yasuna. Strange, since she looks nothing like my sister. Still, she seemed to care. I thought she did._

Arisu reviewed the events back in her head. She had been unable to resist the urge to play, if just this once, in the music room of Lillian. To feel for a brief moment like she really belonged here. That she was on the inside, rather then just peering in. When Kanina-sama joined in the Ave, shared her miraculous crystal soprano, Arisu moved past surprise quickly and into bliss. She could pretend for this precious moment that she was Kanina-sama's kohai playing respectful accompaniment. Nothing unusual. Perfectly normal and routine…just like any other Saturday afternoon.

_But I'm not routine or normal. I never will be. I'm a freak who has no place anywhere._

Arisu's balled her hand and pounded the wall in frustration. "Baka, baka, baka!" she cried, heedless of whether anyone saw her. It didn't matter anymore. She could never come back now.

Assaulting the wall helped her feel better, although she knew it wasn't a good idea to treat her right hand like that. She didn't exactly care at the moment. She realized she was a mess and reached for her purse to grab her handkerchief.

_My purse?_

Arisu spun around to check her surroundings. Nothing was on the ground about her. Surprisingly, no one was around either, despite her display of hysterics. If that was a display of Maria-sama's providence, it was too little, too late. Still, it made it easier for her to backtrack in an attempt to find where the precious container had been dropped.

_I left my Hanadera ID at home when I changed, but it has my registered bus pass and my cell phone. Doubtless if it's found they'll be able to trace it to me and then Heaven only knows what will happen. Humiliation at the very least, some kind of reprimand through Hanadera at worst I suppose._

That last truly did frighten her. The idea that Kashiwagi-senpai or Yuuki-kun would find out, or even worse be part of rebuking her made her stomach ache.

_Kashiwagi-senpai has taken responsibility for me along with Yuuki-kun. We're his formal aides. It would doubtless fall to him._

The thought of losing the support and affection of the two men at Hanadera who actually mattered to Arisu focused her determination to find her purse.

_Where did I last see it?_

As she walked past Maria-sama on the path (_Please help me, Maria-sama!_), she again played back recent events.

_I had it when I was holding Kanina-sama's arm when I walked into Lillian from here. I had it when I entered the music room and saw the harp. I had it when I looked back to watch Kanina-sama leave. I put it down so I could play the piano._

_The piano!_

_Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn! I left it at the piano. It's sitting as far inside Lillian as humanly possible with the two women who watched me flee and have every reason to be curious as to why. There's no doubt they'll see it, if just as they clean the room up and close the keyboard fall. With the phone and the bus pass, it'll be child's play to find me, especially with Lillian's resources._

_I have to go back. I have to beg forgiveness and promise I'll never do it again. If Hanadera finds out, I truly am dead. I'll have no where else to go. Grandfather will kill me assuming I don't perform the honors first. And I'll lose whatever little respect I have of the only two men in my life I really care about._

Arisu found herself standing in front of Lillian, at the entrance she had entered less than an hour before with Kanina-sama. The circumstances now were much different. Then she had been filled with naïve…no foolish…hope. Now she was empty, feeling only despair and the simple desire to cut her losses.

_Here goes._

She walked in the doors and backtracked her way to the music room. She mused she could be following her tears like breadcrumbs, although they had since dried of course. She walked along silently, hoping beyond hope that perhaps Fujisawa-sama and Kanina-sama had left the room without noting her purse, allowing her to snatch it and run.

_If that happens, I could stay away for several months, let things simmer down, and maybe slowly work my way back._

_Assuming I haven't sprouted 6 inches and grown an Adam's Apple to size of a grapefruit. _

She'd watched classmates do that over that short a time.

_Thoughts not helping, Arisu!_

After several minutes of slowly making her way, listening carefully, she found herself looking down the hallway which ended in the music room. The door was closed, which told her nothing other than that someone had closed it after she had fled. She walked up to the door and listened carefully. Nothing.

Deep breath.

She opened the door and quickly saw Fujisawa-sensei and Kanina-sama sitting side by side in chairs before the piano. Sitting on Fujisawa's lap was Arisu's purse. Kanina-sama's hands, which had been in her lap, lifted to display her bus pass and cell phone.

"Please Arisu-san, don't run," Kanina-sama said gently, her face, rather than smiling, demonstrating clear concern. Wary of another trap, but realizing she had no choice, she entered the room and closed the door behind her.

"Where would I run to? You have my purse," Arisu admitted, face impassive, teeth clenched in anxiety and frustration after she spoke.

"Yes, we do," Fujisawa-sensei continued. "A bus pass with a Hanadera validation sticker on it and a phone that includes the Student Body President of Hanadera's name in the contact book." Arisu's face showed her surprise that it'd been so easy to find her out. "I occasionally assist with strings at Hanadera Senior High as a courtesy, and Saito-san at Hanadera teaches brass here. Kashiwagi-san is a fine violinist. Nothing close to your caliber, however."

Arisu took yet another deep breath and made her way to stand before the two women.

"I beg you to return my things to me and allow me to leave. You have my word that I will never return and will never mention any of these events unto my dying day."

Kanina-sama's expression turned grave as Arisu finished that statement and she placed a hand on her teacher's thigh to prevent her from responding. "And how soon will that be, Arisu-san? This isn't just a little cross dressing expedition for you, is it? I'm told I have an otherwordly sense of truth…and of peoples' hearts. I don't know whether that's true or not, but when you gave me your name I was certain you were telling no lie. For you, Arisu is your real name, isn't it? What you are right now is the real you?"

Arisu simply nodded, remarkably dry-eyed. The tears has all flowed already and none remained to shed.

"I see," Kanina-sama said softly.

Kanina-sama moved her hand to collect Arisu's purse from Fujisawa's lap, although her face never left Arisu's. She then placed the phone and bus pass in the purse, got up, and stood before Arisu. Arisu looked up at the tall girl and the two regarded each other eye to eye.

"Please stay. I know the beauty of the heart and soul. The beauty that shines through in the music one performs. By my measure, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. It would be a terrible tragedy if we never made music again together." With that, Kanina-sama proffered the purse to Arisu, which she accepted. Neither girl looked away for an instant during the exchange. Arisu stood mesmerized, falling into a new world that was Kanina-sama's gaze. Time seemed to stand still as the two measured the other and bared their souls in that connection of eyes. They simply stood there, both afraid that to move would break the spell.

Arisu felt a touch on her shoulder, a gentle touch but still one which jarred her back to reality. She and Kanina-sama both blinked together as they acknowledged the third person still in the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt you two, but I wasn't sure how long you'd be standing there if I didn't take charge. Is anyone interested in making some music? I have absolutely nowhere I'd rather be than in this room with the two of you. I'm dying to get a better sense of Arisu's repertoire."

Shizuka looked thoughtfully at Alice. "I think Arisu-san has had a very full day and I am concerned about her pushing herself. Perhaps it would be best if we arranged some other time?"

Kanina-sama's response was initially unexpected to both Fujisawa and Arisu, but Fujisawa quickly detected the likely source_. Acting_ _like the oneesama protecting your petite soeur already, are we?_ She smiled without sharing her true thoughts, saying instead, "Perhaps you're right."

Arisu shook her head. "I can't argue that I'm not tired, but I would play for you both all night right now if you wanted me to. I…don't want this to end either."

Arisu's expression clearly indicated her veracity about this to Fujisawa, but clearly even more was being conveyed between the two younger girls given their eyes were locked again. _Okay you two, we either play or go home._

"I, too, don't want to delay this for fear something might prevent us continuing like this. I have no plans tomorrow and my house is available," Fujisawa offered. "I don't have a harp, Arisu-san, but I have a grand piano and plenty of strings and woodwinds."

"I am singing at Mass tomorrow, but perhaps afterwards. Say 1pm, after lunch at Fujisawa-sensei's home?" Kanina-sama looked thoughtful a moment and then added, "Arisu-san, I'm completely unfamiliar with your schedule and level of freedom, but I would be honored if you'd join me for Mass. I'll sit with you if that would make you less uncomfortable in a Christian service."

Fujisawa bit her lip again, weighing whether she should interject caution, put on the brakes. She dismissed the idea, but still felt some apprehension at just how fast Shizuka was moving things. _Oh Shizuka, do you realize what's happening to you?_

Arisu looked unsure how to respond, but Kanina-sama's look reassured her. "I would like that, Kanina-sama. Despite my attendance at Hanadera, my mother is Christian and I am not unfamiliar with a Catholic Mass. I've been baptized, but I'd rather not share under what given name. It's humiliating. If it would be more convenient, I'd be quite satisfied to sit in the congregation and allow you to proceed as you normally do."

"No, Arisu-san, I'd like to share it with you. I'd like to know where you are when I sing." She smiled at Arisu and Arisu's face lit up in happiness at the gesture.

"Then I shall be happy to sit with you. Which service?

"8am at St Mary's Cathedral," Kanina-sama replied.

"St Mary's!"

Fujisawa chuckled and responded before Shizuka could answer. "This isn't unusual for Shizuka-chan. She sings at worship there at least once a quarter. I believe she is requested even more often, isn't that right my student."

Shizuka had the grace to blush. "You make me sound arrogant or conceited, Aika-senpai. I just want to make sure they share opportunities with all deserving vocalists. Time at St Mary's is precious. It's a unique venue, as you well know."

"I certainly do."

Fujisawa waited for Shizuka to call it a night, but she seemed in no hurry despite her stated desire to protect Arisa from overexertion. _Time to take charge again. _"It's getting late as you say. Shall we leave together? I just need a second in the teacher's lounge to finish up something and we can head for the gate."

"Kanina-sama, what are you singing and will you have accompaniment tomorrow?" Arisu asked as they began to prepare the room for a weekend of disuse.

"The Bach/Gounod arrangement of Ave Maria, with a harp as accompaniment. I'm personally getting sick of it, but it's often requested. I end up doing it at least once a year simply to make people happy. Still, it makes me feel like I'm working in a wedding chapel." Kanina-sama was scowling as she said this.

"Shall we practice from the top, just once? A practice warm up?" Arisu offered eagerly.

_If she was actually that lost puppy we were discussing earlier, she'd be wagging her tail at the prospect right now_, Fujisawa mused. _Shizuka doesn't need it in the least, and anyway we were practicing it earlier which is why the Bach music was out in the first place. Still, it'll be interesting to see what Shizuka says._

Kanina-sama regarding the eager girl and smiled. "Okay, just once through unless I demonstrate a need to practice any part in particular."

Arisu grinned in pleasure and positioned herself at the instrument.

Not surprisingly, the run through was as seamless and flawless as the impromptu event earlier in the afternoon. It was obvious to all present that Kanina-sama could do the piece in her sleep, a capella if necessary. Still, she seemed greatly pleased afterwards as she helped Arisu with the harp cover.

With all three working at it, the room was quickly restored to order. Kanina-sama turned the lights out as they departed. As Kanina-sama and Arisu stood outside the teacher's office, Arisu became aware of the jet-haired girl looking her over. Arisu suddenly felt self conscious.

"You really do look a mess, Arisu-san," Kanina-sama said, although the harsh assessment was more than offset by her amused grin. Arisu looked down and saw she certainly had wrinkled her uniform, and from her angle her collar ribbon looked lopsided. Arisu did her best to smooth the uniform dress, but struggled with the ribbon.

She was surprised when Kanina-sama reached in to handle it herself. The sense of the older girl's touch, the feeling of being cared for and protected, was intoxicating to Arisu. Outside of her mother and familial sister, she'd never experienced another human being taking this level of interest in her appearance and well-being. It was both exciting and frightening at the same time.

Kanina-sama took a while to get it just right, and only stopped her efforts when Fujisawa-sensei came back out. The older woman grew a weird smile when she took the sight in, but said nothing, simply handing Arisu a slip of paper with her address and motioning the two girls in student uniforms along.

As they passed Maria-sama, Arisu took particular care to stand and give her respects.

_I'm sorry for doubting you, Holy Mother. Both times I cried for your help, you came through. Forgive my foolishness._

She finished and looked around to see Kanina-sama standing next to her, hands still clasped before her but her face regarding Arisu. Fujisawa-sama, who Arisu was pretty sure wasn't Christian and as a teacher was not expected to show respects they didn't feel in their heart, was leaning against a tree in the direction of the exit, regarding her students. _Students as in plural? I'm thinking it really might be possible. I'm going to her home tomorrow, so it can't be too foolish to hope._

Looking back into Kanina-sama's face, Arisu couldn't help but feel the immediate future, at least, showed promise and was worth embracing.

_We'll take each day as it comes._

That was all Arisu could hope for now, and for now she was content.

* * *

><p><strong>***Author's Note***<strong>

Nothing to Google this time. The Ave Maria we're discussing is the same that Rosa Canina performs for Shimako on Season 1/Episode 13, so feel free to listen again there. I envision the Bach/Gounod arrangement, only with a harp rather than the typical piano that kicks on the DVD in as they shuffle through the various experiences of the characters on the date afternoon. Anything you hear on YouTube using the harp, at least that I can find easily, is not worth the effort. Few instruments vary so much between amateur and professional as the harp, at least IMHO.


	4. A Sister's Love

**Looking In**

**A Sister's Tough Love**

1st year, April

"_I'll be there by 6am. If you can do it, try to arrive by then. And bring your best violin."_

Kanina-sama had parted with these cryptic words, said with her warm smile. The visage filled Arisu's thoughts and wouldn't fade. Not that Arisu wanted it to. She wanted to sear Kanina-sama's smile in her mind like a brand, something so precious she didn't want to ever lose it.

Arisu was walking briskly, trying hard to stay warm. Fujisawa-sensei had offered to drive her home when she extended the same courtesy to Kanina-sama, but the cautious part of Arisu balked at the idea of these two knowing where she lived. She had demurred; assuring them that she'd be perfectly safe riding the bus. Later she recognized the foolishness of it given all they had to do now to find her full identity was to ask Hanadera. Still, until she spoke about all this with Yasuna, she felt she owed it to her sister to maintain whatever shreds of anonymity she could. She also sensed, however naïve Yasuna would say she was for believing such feelings, that Kanina-sama and her mentor wouldn't pursue it with Hanadera even if she were to vanish completely.

_Not that I intend to do that!_

She shivered. She could have taken the bus, but she felt the need to clear her mind and felt the walk would do her good. The day had been relatively warm for early April, but she now realized it was deceptive. As dusk fell, she was still walking and the early spring cold took hold almost immediately. In her thin Lillian uniform dress with no jacket, she felt goosebumps growing on goosebumps. Still, the brisk pace was keeping the worst of the chill off, and there blessedly was no wind.

Arisu arrived at her door as the last of the streetlights in view were flickering on. She pulled out her key, but checked the door before opening it in case Yasuna was already home. She hoped not, because Arisu was certain she'd get a tongue lashing for coming home in the dark as a girl. Strangely, Yasuna didn't bat an eye when Kintarou came home after dark. The concept irked her, and given the threats she faced even in "boy mode" it was irrational, but at the same time it showed the extent to which Yasuna acknowledged the full femininity of Arisu- the good and the bad, the benefits and the drawbacks.

"You're home late, sis. I tried calling, but you never answered," a familiar voice chided her, as predicted, as she stepped in the door of the apartment the two sisters shared. Yasuna was almost seven years older than Arisu, and in her last year of civil engineering education at a polytechnic university not terribly far from Hanadera and Lillian. Rather than commute the ridiculous distance from their Grandfather's home to college every day, a questionable distance even with a chauffeur, Yasuna had pursued a small two-bedroom place that she could share with her Hanadera-attending younger sibling.

While having a home less than 30 minutes walking distance from school, 10 minutes by bus if timed right, was convenient, having a nosy big sister in such close proximity could be annoying. Fortunately, Arisu knew her sister had her best interests at heart. The two were amazingly close, in part due to their shared sense that it was them against their grandfather. A grandfather who kept insisting each of them being someone they were not.

In Arisu's case, the complications were obvious. For Yasuna, they were related but more subtle. For grandfather, women were accompanist, not leads. Ladies of status equal to hers might perform independently for a while, and perhaps later with the permission of their husband, but ultimately they were supposed to get married for the good of the family and raise heirs. They most certainly didn't practice engineering, a male profession with independent authority.

When Yasuna, who had always loved math and tested consistently in the top 1% in it, had announced she was going to study math and engineering after graduation from Lillian, grandfather had become unglued. Fortunately, father had still been alive at the time and had done some unknown magic persuading his father to relent. Yasuna agreed to 'eventually' marry within her strata, and grandfather placed no roadblocks to Yasuna's dreams after that. By the time father died, inertia had set in and grandfather seemed disinclined to fight that battle when he had a far more pressing target.

His grandson, key to the survival of a family line tracing unbroken to the Tenbun period not to mention expected heir to the family's entertainment holdings.

Arisu sighed, both at the memories she was replaying and Yasuna's inquisitiveness.

"I had my phone turned off, for obvious reasons. They're banned at Lillian, and any ringing would have drawn attention to me." Arisu wondered what would have happened had Kanina-sama or Fujisawa-sensei answered Yasuna's call, and she shivered again despite the warmth of the apartment.

"I know, but you should have checked your voicemail as soon as you left the grounds. Anyway, what have you been up to? If you've been at Lillian all afternoon, we'll have to have another long talk. It's too risky to be there so long."

Yasuna's concern was touching, although her micromanaging Arisu's life wasn't. Still, Arisu had already resolved to share everything with her sister. Arisu held few secrets from Yasuna, and none that weren't connected to her life at Hanadera. Yasuna's wisdom had saved Arisu's skin more than once.

"Yes, I was at Lillian all afternoon. Something happened. Something amazing."

"Something that will take a while to explain, from the sounds of it," Yasuna added. "Fair enough. You're obviously in good spirits, and you're safely home without a police escort, so I can be patient. I'm not in the mood to cook tonight, so I was about to order take-out. Pizza sound good?"

Take out pizza was a staple of the Arisugawa Annex, as they liked to call the apartment. Neither occupant was particularly fond of cooking, and definitely not washing dishes having both grown up with servants taking care of such details. Arisu was quite fond of baking on occasion, but she generally did that at her grandfather's home where the expansive kitchen and more extensive supply of utensils made it much easier…not to mention staff to help clean up the mess. Like is often the case with college students living on their own without maternal presence, take out, restaurant food, and ramen noodles made up a larger portion of their diet than it probably should.

"Pizza will be fine. It should be here by the time I slip into something less formal. I've been hard enough on this uniform today as it is."

"You beating up on my old clothes? Be respectful of what you borrow, kiddo," Yasuna said with a teasing grin.

"With that growth spurt you had in second year at Lillian, you couldn't fit in this set you gave me anyway," she said looking up at her sister as she walked past. She had a grin on her face as she said it, but the act of looking up at Yasuna still roiled her stomach given the warning it suggested for her. Mother was small, but father had been and grandfather was very tall. Arisu had no idea which genetics she'd get, and that was before the effects of testosterone. "And you gave the smaller uniforms to me, if I remember right. They weren't a loan."

"I did, didn't I? Must have been a lapse. I'm getting too nice in my old age."

This kind of banter was part and parcel of their evenings together. Yasuna had been accepting of Arisu from the start. Arisu smiled every time Yasuna described how, at the age of 10, she had told her parents they had it all wrong with her sibling. She had a little sister, not a little brother. Not once did she ever back down from her assertion.

_I think in many ways it was Yasuna that helped mother and father adjust relatively easily to the idea of what I am. She and I were presenting a united front long before it could be argued we'd been influenced by anything but our hearts, regardless of what grandfather wanted to believe._

Arisu left her sister to go upstairs to her room. The apartment was in western townhouse format, with two small bedrooms and bathroom above, and a kitchen, living room, and half-bath below. She slipped into her room, closed the door, and simply plopped onto her bed for a few minutes, relaxing for the first time in an amazingly eventful day. After a luxurious stretch, however, she realized the position was soporific and she'd be asleep in minutes if she stayed there. She was also beginning to feel things she didn't want to face at the moment. She got up to walk toward her closet to remove and hang up her Lillian uniform, when her image in the dresser mirror caught her eye.

She stopped to regard the girl in the mirror. Dressed as she was in the Lillian uniform, there was no outward sign she was anything but what she appeared...a still prepubescent high-school girl. Her attention focused on the scarf dangling from her collar. She touched it gingerly, remembering who had last touched it…tied it as it was right now Her feelings about the day were still very confused, despite having walked home from Lillian so that she'd have time to ponder things before being confronted by Yasuna. It hadn't helped.

_Why do I trust Kanina-sama so much? I don't know anything about her, and yet I'd follow her into Hell right now just for the hope of seeing her smile again. I want to stand by her side and play her accompaniment forever._

Arisu sighed. She steeled her courage and pulled the edge of the scarf to undo it, feeling an ache in her heart as she undid the work Kanina-sama had done. Knowing to continue watching in a mirror as she undressed would break the magic entirely; she made her way to the closet to get a hanger. As she removed the uniform she got a whiff of it passing her nose on the way up over her head. She realized it probably needed washing given the running she'd been doing in the spring sun, so rather than get the intended hanger she carefully folded the uniform up and placed it on the edge of her bed. She'd wash it by hand later that night.

She then retrieved her robe and went to take a shower. If she was going to get up god-awful early in the morning to get to St Mary's for 6am, she knew she'd better work on straightening her annoyingly curly hair tonight.

**/*/**

Yasuna listened intently to Arisu's story, occasionally nibbling absently on pizza but clearly finding her appetite limited as she heard the tale. Arisu appreciated that her sister simply let her talk herself out, rather than interjecting comments or asking questions as things unfolded. Yasuna's listening skills were among her strengths, and Arisu respected this by being very detailed and complete. She noted Yasuna focusing particularly as she described the moments when Kanina-sama handed Arisu her purse yet asking her to stay, and again when Kanina-sama corrected Arisu's collar scarf.

As Arisu finished, Yasuna remained quiet for a long while, seemingly focusing her energies on slowly nibbling the rest of only her second small piece of pizza to death. Arisu was increasing anxious Yasuna was truly upset at Arisu's actions. Complete disapproval was rare, but not unheard of. Arisu had never defied Yasuna when she was absolutely adamant about something, and Arisu prayed this wouldn't have to be the first time. _I'm going to St Mary's tomorrow regardless, but I'd much rather have Yasuna's blessing._

Yasuna was known to think a while before she spoke, but as the minutes stretched on with Yasuna just sitting there examining Arisu with a serious expression, Arisu's anxiety rose. It only slightly reassured her that Yasuna was biting her lower lip in a manner Arisu had long learned meant she was feeling torn. Despite her fretting, though, Arisu knew better than to try and fill the silence with babble. Yasuna hated that. Arisu had told the full story; she would wait all night for Yasuna's response if need be.

"I appreciate that you brought this to me immediately and I am doing my best not to panic over all of it. Be patient with me as I try to express my concerns in a way that won't hurt your feelings too much," Yasuna smiled weakly which, along with the relatively gentle speech, was an apparent effort to reassure her sister. "First off, just to be sure I know where things stand now, am I correct in understanding you never shared your legal given or family name?"

Arisu noted immediately the shift in Yasuna's speech back to the formal, aristocratic form both sisters had been bred to. A form they generally avoided now that they lived, by choice, a much more common existence. Her heart fell as she predicted where Yasuna might be going, but she answered truthfully. "Yes, oneesan, you are correct. They know I attend Hanadera, however, and that I am familiar with President Kashiwagi. It would not be hard at all for them to track me down."

"Still, you could deny it. They have no proof of your presence now that you've gone."

Arisu clamped down on her gut, but maintained her composure. Yasuna was everything Arisu was not- direct, forcefully insightful, objective. She had no patience for "bull", as the Americans put it. She said exactly what was on her mind. Similarly, she didn't appreciate wavering or weak will at all. If someone couldn't stand by their perspective when challenged, they had no right to it in Yasuna's worldview. If Arisu belied doubts or weepy emotions right now, it would confirm Yasuna's apparent suspicions that even she harbored doubts deep inside. She had to provide a rational, not emotional, response and stick to it.

"This is true, they have no evidence, although the idea of me dressing in a Lillian uniform and wandering the campus isn't a terribly big stretch from what many know are my tendencies. Still, I could crawl back in my hole at Hanadera and never go back to Lillian. I could turn my back on an opportunity to build my music in an environment I find nurturing. While it would perhaps be less dangerous to turn away from this opportunity, I feel it would do me a disservice later."

"I can certainly perceive you believe there are benefits," Yasuna countered, her furrowed brow indicating she wasn't thrilled with the course she was taking with her little sister but felt it had to be said, "but I feel you minimize the risks in your desperate belief that this will magically solve your problem. It doesn't change what you are, Kintarou. If you need a confessor to shore up your wavering self image, someone unrelated to keep validating your right to be Arisu, there are safer avenues."

Arisu felt the wound in her heart, but knew also Yasuna was her tough-love confidant. She could proceed without Yasuna's support, but it would be harder and likely indicative that the endeavor truly was foolish. Yasuna was right to challenge her in this direction. Arisu realized it as soon as Yasuna said the words.

_This is why I maintained the wall and didn't accept the ride home._

Arisu remained silent now herself for a while to think before continuing. "Hanadera knows what I am. They know how I dress outside school, except for the Lillian uniform. Now that I'm being invited to Lillian by an instructor for my instrumental skills, I see no risk to my circumstances at Hanadera. Isn't that the only downside risk to my proposed course?"

"No sis, it isn't. You also didn't answer my core question. I'm actually more worried about something just as serious as Hanadera. When you speak of this Kanina-sama, your eyes and choice of words belie your feelings. You're falling in love with her, aren't you?" Yasuna's eyebrows rose as she said this, clearly indicating she expected an honest answer and already knew what that answer would be.

Arisu measured her words carefully before answering. "I feel love for her, yes. I feel love for you, too. I can only say it feels different from what I feel for the two boys at Hanadera I've told you about. I can't explain it, but it does."

Yasuna sighed and then bit her lip again. "I'm going to be very blunt, more brutal than even I usually am." She paused so that Arisu could take a breath and steel herself. "Is it possible you're familiar with Arisu's feelings for boys, but this is the first time Kintarou is showing affection for a girl? You're starting puberty. Don't deny it, I've seen the signs. I'm wondering if the male hormones are starting to influence you."

Yasuna was right. The conversation had taken a turn which was now very painful. She felt nauseous and realized she had to get up a moment to collect her thoughts out from under Yasuna's gaze. "Please excuse me, 'neechan. I have to use the bathroom. I promise I'll be back soon." Yasuna nodded.

Arisu maintained her composure as she fled the room containing Yasuna and closed the door behind her as she entered the downstairs bath. She regarded herself in the mirror. Her eyes showed tears welling up, but so far she'd managed to keep them from coursing out down her cheeks. She grabbed some tissue to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. She then regarded herself in the mirror. She found some of her best introspection was done in the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror like a different person.

Kintarou vs Arisu.

_Yasuna's right about one thing. I had never considered Kintarou in all this. Dammit, I wish he would just go away. I can't truthfully answer Yasuna for certain that she's wrong. I do feel something for Kanina-sama. When I lay down on the bed, it wasn't just my fear of falling asleep that disturbed me. It feels different from my feelings for Kashiwagi-senpai or Yuuki-kun, but not enough that I can be sure of anything._

Although she somehow knew it could never happen, Arisu pondered for a moment if she could accept being Kintarou if somehow it were possible to have Kanina-sama as a partner…a wife. She looked herself in the eye, for once willing herself no self deceit. Yasuna was right, this was important. Her fate was balancing on these events, which explained why Yasuna was so grave about it all despite the heartsickness it was clearly causing her to be so cruel in her reasoning.

_No._

_No, I couldn't accept it._

_I can't be him. Not ever, not even for Kanina-sama. I can be her friend. I can be her kohai. I think could be her lover as a girl. I would gladly simply be her assistant if that's all she wants and it will keep me close to her and in her life._

_But no, I can't…I won't… be Kintarou. Not even for her._

That didn't mean Yasuna's other point was invalid, though. That Kintarou, this treasonous body of hers starting to fill with poisons, didn't have his own plans, his own desires. His own eye on Kanina-sama.

_Seriously, Arisu. Is this testosterone talking?_

She looked in the mirror, filled with the familiar resentment.

_No. Yasuna is right that I could easily fantasize an intimate relationship with Kanina-sama, and yes the idea stirred me on the bed, yet all the images in my head are still with me as a girl. That part of me that is Kintarou is just in the way. As insane as it is, I can only imagine being with a girl as a girl, despite having the supposedly 'acceptable' boys body for such things._

Arisu nodded to herself in affirmation of her conclusion. Then she took more tissue to perform one more clean-up of her face and clearing of her nose before returning to the tatami where she had been sitting across from her sister.

"No, Yasuna," Arisu said, looking her sister directly in the eye. "This isn't about Kintarou. Whatever feelings I might have from testosterone, I can't live as Kintarou even if I by some miracle I could have Kanina-sama as my wife." Arisu drilled to the point she knew Yasuna was getting at. "My feelings have not changed. Puberty will be my death, oneesan."

Now it was Yasuna's turn to look away from her unusual imoto. "Part of me had hoped that perhaps this might be a chance for you to find some middle ground. That maybe finding the right girl might take the edge off it. Can you extrapolate out from this Kanina girl that perhaps some other girl might touch you, Kintarou, even more?"

"No," Arisu answered immediately and without hesitation. "I know you could argue that I'm having my first crush on a girl and that there could be some 'right-chan' out there, but I don't think so. There is no cure for me, Yasuna. None that grandfather would allow, anyway."

Yasuna's hands clenched in balls and she swung then both at her thighs simultaneously. "That pompous old fart with his Warring States period attitudes. Why did Father have to die, dammit? He'd have been able to convince him, I'm sure."

Arisu resonated with some of this sentiment, but suspected it was ultimately naïve. Even before the plane crash, Grandfather had been increasingly agitating to force Father's hand with his grandson. The Hanadera admission for middle school had been planned even before Father's death. Father never said it, but Arisu's extensive tour of Europe and America as his daughter was ultimately some kind of inoculation. An effort to build hope in Arisu before the six year winter began.

"No Yasuna. Your situation was different, and you know it. I'm the eldest son of the eldest son going back to when we spilt from the royal Arisugawa line two hundred years ago, the last non-imperial cadet branch before the whole line fell apart. That means the world to Grandfather. Under any other circumstances, Uncle Kyousuke's little boy would do, but grandfather has repeated denied both uncle's and our efforts to pass the male lineage to the next in line. When I've asked grandfather what he'd do if Kintarou dies and how that would differ from Kintarou ceasing to exist in favor of me, he's just gotten angry."

"I know you're right. I just don't like it." Yasuna said, her anger deflating. "If he kills you, I just don't know what I'll do." Arisu realized Yasuna was actually getting emotional, a true rarity for her sister. Arisu lifted up to her hands and knees and crawled over to hug her sister.

"You're strong, 'neechan. You'll be fine no matter what happens. As far as me, well I'm feeling better than I have in months. You've commented I survive jumping from one distraction to another. We'll see how long this one lasts. I hope for a very long time."

"And when puberty hits? Will these two accept you when Arisu is buried beneath a grown man's body?"

Arisu tensed against her sister, the nausea returning with a vengeance.

"I don't know, Yasuna," Arisu admitted to both herself and her sister. "Even more so, can I live with something less than what I have now? I'm scared to find out and I don't want to think about it right now."

"Arisu, I want you to know if it comes down to Grandfather or you, I'll choose you. I've spoken with Mother, and she says she agrees as well. I've been holding off telling you this in the hopes you might find some glimmer of benefit to being a man, that somehow Hanadera and your friends there might give you some reason to find being a man attractive, or perhaps even just tolerable. I see now that it isn't going to happen. The harder Hanadera pushes you, the further you slide to Lillian. I have a feeling where things might be going now with this new friend of yours, and there's no way it would be compatible with Kintarou."

Arisu felt there was more to what Yasuna was saying than she was getting, but that it was also all Yasuna was going to say on that subject. She chose to simply rest her head on Yasuna's shoulder and let silence reign for a while until Yasuna said something else.

"I know you know what your options are. Please just think long and hard about what you choose to do, and know I will _always_ be here for you, even if it means we make it happen all on our own. I graduate next spring. There's a reason why I'm pursuing employment options separate from the family holdings. I'll be ready for whatever you need, regardless of grandfather's prejudices."

Arisu's breath caught as she realized exactly what Yasuna was saying. While maintaining her embrace, she leaned her head back to regard her sister.

"'Neechan, you have your own life. You should be out finding a husband, getting ready for a career and family, not bound to a worthless leech of brother."

"STOP IT!"

Arisu jumped back at the force of the statement, intensity she'd never felt from her sister before…or possibly anyone. She gulped hard as she looked into Yasuna's tearful eyes.

"Listen to me. You. Are. Not. My. Brother. I've known that since you were born. This isn't Mother's fault, regardless of what she keeps whipping herself with. This wasn't Father's fault, although he went to his grave convinced it was. It isn't Grandfather's fault, although he certainly is to blame for making such a pathetic mess of you. And listen to me, Arisu. This isn't your fault. What will be your fault, however, is if you give into despair and fail to grasp your own destiny with your own hands, letting fate decide once again for you. I've made my choice. I choose you, Arisu. Selfishly, for all my own reasons. I want you in my life. Don't. Leave. Me."

Arisu was amazed to feel fresh tears welling up in her own eyes, having been firmly convinced the supply for today was exhausted. Seeing strong Yasuna, the rock of her world, adrift like this was as frightening as the prospect of puberty.

"I don't know what to say, Yasuna."

"Just agree with me like you usually do and everything will be fine." Yasuna smiled through her tears, her lower lip quivering with the force of her emotions.

"Yes, 'neechan." Arisu said, simply.

"Good girl," Yasuna said, then sniffed back the tears as best she could. "Now, when again are we going to St Mary's tomorrow?"

"I'm supposed to be there with my best violin at 6am. I was planning to call Mother to ask if she'd bring Beauty for me to use. I'm hoping she'll be so thrilled at the idea of me attending Mass that she won't press too hard for my reasons why." Arisu did a double take. "We?"

"You don't think I'd let you go alone before I can get a sense of the competition, do you?"

Arisu was confused at such an odd statement said by her sister while transitioning back to more informal speech, and showed it on her face. "Competition?"

"I was right. You are clueless, aren't you?"

"About what?"

Yasuna grinned impishly, a strange effect given the remnants of tear streaks on her cheeks. "If I'm right, you'll find out soon enough."

* * *

><p><strong>***Author's Note***<strong>

I can't assume all my readers are familiar with the inner workings of a young transgirl; in fact I am sure this is pretty alien for most of you. Yasuna will be my mechanism for helping summarize this background within the story for the readers.

This story takes place in the same continuity as Shepherds Watching Over Us. Shepherds just takes place a little over a year later, just before the end of Chapter Two of Looking In, Friend in Need.

Thank you to CelticX for kicking me into continuing this story where it has been on hiatus for a year. It's all your fault, my friend, but you already knew that. :p


	5. Fact Finding

**Looking In**

**Fact Finding**

1st year, April

_It hasn't changed at all. Not that I'd expect it to._

Yasuna stood alone on a sidewalk in the middle of the night, her face illuminated by the rosy glow of a nearby streetlight as she considered the house she hadn't seen for almost four years. It was nondescript enough; two stories like her own apartment, although somewhat bigger, but more importantly for a musician- stand-alone. A carport was off to the side with the same familiar yellow Toyota Corolla covered beneath it.

_I kept waiting for the light to dawn with Arisu all evening, but it never did. She's always been self-absorbed, but I'm still amazed it never did occur to her that I would know her Fujisawa-sensei. She _was_ my strings teacher my whole time at Lillian, after all! _

Yet even by the time their mother had left and Yasuna had insisted Arisu turn in for the night, realization still hadn't set in…and for now Yasuna chose not to enlighten her clearly smitten younger sister.

_This allows me to get my own answers._

Although it was after midnight, Yasuna felt no hesitation ringing the bell. She'd been here several times before as part of an extracurricular string quartet of Lillian students during her time there. As always she played bass, the string instrument often avoided by girls but to which she gravitated. It wasn't due to her size given that came long after her choice, but rather her personality.

_I like to do things big._

The minutes wore on after the first ring and she considered hitting the bell again when she heard the sound of the door being unlocked and opened.

"Hello?" Yasuna heard her old mentor's voice call out sleepily from around the chain-lock.

"Good morning, Fujisawa-sensei. It's Arisugawa Yasuna."

"You played bass," the voice from behind the door recalled after a moment's pause. The chain was undone and the door fully opened. "I'm curious why you came to get reacquainted after midnight on a Sunday morning." Yasuna wasn't surprised at all to see a quizzical look on the teacher's face, rather than annoyance or anger.

Classic Fujisawa Aika.

"I wished to speak with you about my younger sister," Yasuna began simply.

Aika's face turned even more quizzical as she regarded the woman standing at her doorstep in the middle of the night; that is until recognition dawned and the teacher's eyes got very wide, removing all traces of sleepiness. When her face settled on a smile, she said, "I guess the uniform had to come from somewhere. Please, come in."

Aika ushered in her former student and made room in the cluttered living room for the two to sit down. Yasuna noted her teacher's habits had not changed. Arrayed around the same grand piano Yasuna remembered fondly there was music and instrument cases everywhere, although as always each instrument was properly protected.

"I must admit I wasn't prepared for guests at this hour, but please let me go get some tea at least. I have to believe that we'll be talking a while, and we may as well be comfortable."

Yasuna smiled politely. _We're all entering the unknown, and formalities protect against misunderstanding. _While the older woman was off in the kitchen, Yasuna sorted idly through a nearby stack of music. She wasn't surprised at all to see an assortment of less common string-based pieces as well as vocal scores with a supporting violin.

_She's all ready to drill Arisu alone as well as together with this Kanina girl. Oh to be a fly on the wall later today._

Yasuna regretted that she wouldn't be a part of whatever happened, both because she would like to be present to share in her dearly loved sister's precious new gift if it indeed turned out that way, but also to be there if things did not go well. If nothing else was made clear to her during the previous evening, it was obvious Arisu's heart was now completely invested in these two. If Arisu fell, Yasuna knew in her heart that it could be life threatening.

_Hence why I am here to make that crystal clear to Aika-sensei._

Aika returned to the room carrying a small tray with a white porcelain teapot, two matching cups, and some crackers. "I hope you like green tea," the teacher said with a contrite smile as she set the service down on the nearest available surface. "It's what I had ready to go for breakfast."

Yasuna put down the music scores and looked up at her old mentor. "Green tea is perfectly fine, Fujisawa-sensei. I appreciate your gracious hospitality at such an unusual hour."

Aika sat across from Yasuna, leaning forward a bit in her classic 'you are the center of my universe' listening stance and shook her head. "First off, you are always welcome, even if you didn't happen to have such a remarkable sibling. You also can stop right now with the 'Fujisawa-sensei' business. If I remember right, you graduated to calling me Aika-sensei by the time you finished 10th grade and were one of those I said could call on me anytime. And sadly I'm not your teacher anymore. Aika is fine."

Yasuna grinned at the no-nonsense response, remembering just how much she had loved this woman during her time at Lillian. "Thank you Aika-san. It's been a long time and I didn't feel I had the right to assume."

"It has been a long time," Aika retorted in a chiding tone, although she leaned back a bit and her smile grew wider. "I would have hoped to have heard from you, but you never visited again after graduation. If memory serves, you were having a challenging time with your family and your music was caught up in that. I'm sure you'll get to the former shortly as it must have to do with why your sibling is so skittish, but first tell me. Do you still play?" Aika leaned forward again, clearly intent on the answer.

Yasuna's gaze dropped sheepishly, but her grin remained at the treatment. It felt strangely good to be back in high school, even if it was just a momentary illusion. "Not as much as you would like, I'm sure. I practice with Arisu pretty much every day, which as you can imagine can be quite a workout. She has a lot more time for it, and has always been more passionate about her music by far. I play in the orchestra at the school I attend, although remember I'm studying engineering at a polytechnic university, so it is what it is."

Aika nodded thoughtfully. "You were always focused more on your math than your arts."

"I needed to separate myself from the family. To have something to call my own…and eventually something I could lean on if Arisu and I had to break away." Yasuna lifted her gaze and realized Aika was enjoying letting Yasuna talk a while, so she continued more ernestly. "Even back at Lillian, I could see our grandfather wasn't going to let us out of our obligations without a fight. I was to marry for the good of the family, and Kintarou was to accept his role as heir to the Arisugawa family, marry a nice girl with standing, and have a son while taking on the enterprise. I knew I wanted to be my own woman, and I've always known I have a sister and not a brother." Yasuna looked directly into Aika's eyes as she said this last, watching for any challenge or disagreement, but Aika simply nodded again, returning the look with no guile. "As things stand now, I can turn my back on the entire family and make my own way, and support Arisu in making hers. We're both ready to walk away."

The older woman reached up and rubbed her chin briefly as she considered this. "I remember you have a lot to walk away from, Yasuna-san. You'd get deposited here and retrieved by a driver when we had quartet practice, and although you've clearly been working on your colloquialisms, you still speak like an aristocrat. Even in terms of Lillian girls, your family ranks way up there. You keep speaking of your grandfather. What do your parents have to say about all this?"

Yasuna looked down again and began fidgeting with a loose string on her jeans as she answered. "Father died in a plane crash over three years ago, near the end of my senior year at Lillian. We were nearing graduation and I didn't want to trouble everyone, so I didn't share about it."

Aika leaned over a put her hand on the one Yasuna was using to fidget with. "I'm sorry, Yasuna-san."

Yasuna looked up and saw Aika's eyes and expression were quite genuine. She clearly felt bad for having touched on a sensitive subject, as well as for not having been perceptive at the time to such an event happening to one of her students.

"It's okay, Aika-san," Yasuna assured, chuckling a little. "As much as I want to believe it would have been otherwise, I don't think it would be making much of a difference right now if Father were around. He was able to fight for me, but in the end I don't think he would have been able to stand against his own father over Arisu. Too much was riding on it. In some ways, Father died at just the right time, having settled my situation and giving Arisu two years of validation as his daughter before she had to enter Hanadera and prepare to spend the rest of his life as Kintarou. It was like a consolation prize. This way he at least didn't have to torture his son over it. He can be the perfect idealized memory."

"And your mother?"

"Mother is grateful we live away from the estate so she doesn't have to deal with it. She knows she has two daughters, but she can't stand against her father-in-law. Still, she's been surreptitiously helping us from her own income, although we're certain grandfather knows full well what's going on and would stop it if we tried to change Arisu's destiny…hence why I need to graduate to open up Arisu's options. Mother's paying for my school, for the apartment not far from here that Arisu and I share, and for our living expenses. We visit now and then, but she generally keeps her distance. I think she's still hoping by not forcing the issue that she can find some way to reconcile Grandfather and Arisu." Yasuna shook her head as indication of her sense of that likelihood.

Aika took a deep breath and sighed before standing and pacing around the piano, emotions clearly on edge, her fingers tracing the edge of the piano top. "Shizuka-chan could see your sibling was hurting terribly. It all starts to make sense now." Aika's hand balled into a fist and very gently pounded the top of the piano.

"Aika-san, you haven't referred to Arisu by name or used a gender-related pronoun since I arrived." The statement, while not accusatory, was pointed. The associated expression on Yasuna's face clearly indicated that the statement required a response.

Aika flattened her hand and made to smooth the piano cover as she thought a moment. "Yasuna-san, the enigma wrapped in a conundrum that is Arisu-san is something you've dealt with all your life, it sounds like. I just met the child about 12 hours ago, so please be patient with me as I digest it all. I've known cross-dressers of course, at least loosely, but that isn't Arisu-san is it?"

Yasuna simply shook her head and Aika nodded. The teacher continued her way around the piano to return to Yasuna. "I still have a lot I need to understand. I've noticed even you keep jumping pronouns, Yasuna-san. I'll try to keep up, but please be patient with me."

Yasuna shrugged. "You have to do that with her. In her heart, her soul, she's as female as you or I am. I've known that since I first saw her lying on Mother's breast in the hospital. His body, though, is all boy…a boy on the verge of being a man. The world keeps trying to fit her in that box, and I think you've already acknowledged you've seen the results of that."

Aika sat back down, her motions making it clear she was deeply troubled. "I must admit I'm amazed at how she maintains her sanity, then. A girl in a boy's body…attending Testosterone Academy no less. You mention puberty, what will that mean for her?"

Yasuna felt the familiar heartache whenever this subject came up. She looked again into Aika's eyes and said simply, "If nothing changes, a casket."

Yasuna was relieved to see Aika's eyes widen slightly at this before looking down, and the woman's hands balled again as she pounded the side of her thighs with the fist. Aloud she simply said, "Damn."

Yasuna nodded. "Grandfather won't relent. Mother won't act, despite her assertion she'll ultimately choose her child over her father-in-law. I'm working as hard as I am able to graduate on time, but it will be another year. I would line up an internship, I'm at the top of my class and have had lucrative offers, but that would take me away from Arisu. I fear in my absence she may fall when no one is there to catch her. We're in a race against time, and time is winning."

Aika nodded. "Does she have friends?"

Yasuna pivoted her head from side-to-side noncommittally. "She plays a complex game in social circles. As I think you can imagine after so many years at Lillian, children in our strata are quick to trample over each other for a fraction of advantage. Most of her peers know him as Kintarou, a few know her as Arisu. In neither case, though, can she be genuine. Since Father died she's never socialized outside of Hanadera, myself and the immediate family, and her tutors, so it really hasn't mattered."

"And Hanadera?" Aika pressed, predicting the answer, but still wanting to hear Yasuna say it.

"For the most part, Hanadera is as you would expect given his circumstances. It's a knife continually twisting in his gut." Yasuna rose upon saying this and stood at the window looking out at the streetlight she had been standing near just a bit ago. "He had no friends in middle school. He had his emotions wrapped up so tight that no one could get through. That said, there are a few now that are warming to him. He's mentioned a Yuuki-kun who tried to be supportive through middle school, and who he's now allowing in a bit. I'd like to think things are actually improving. A third year named Kashiwagi Suguru remembered him from his first year in middle school and has taken him under his wing. He's apparently Student Body President and very influential, although Arisu alludes to his social status which makes me nervous if Arisu's peculiarities get linked back to the family. On the good side, I think the bullying seems to be dropping off, although he doesn't talk about it so I can't know for sure. He's being pulled into student council activities by Kashiwagi-san. I've never met the man, but I'm grateful to him even if Arisu isn't quite sure of his motives. She's obviously appreciative, and I think she even feels affection to him, but she says he makes her nervous although she can't explain much beyond that."

"Your pronouns are making my head hurt," Aika said as she reached up to rub her temple.

Yasuna turned from the window to regard Aika, allowing a smile to curl one side of her mouth into a smirk. "Welcome to my world," she said, then shrugged and her expression became neutral again. "Kintarou attends Hanadera. Arisu spends the evenings with me and wanders Lillian whenever she can. It's remarkable, really, watching her change roles. Even the way she thinks and perceives things is different from how Kintarou does. If you stick around her, you'll see exactly what I mean. That said, I'll try and stick with feminine terms to keep you from needing aspirin."

Aika nodded thoughtfully, apparently missing the mild humor Yasuna had intended. "I find Arisu's sense of nervousness around Kashiwagi-san to be very interesting. If anything you have said tonight has convinced me Arisu is most certainly a girl, that statement was it. I know him…and that's a fair assessment."

Yasuna looked at Aika expecting to hear more, but Aika shook her head and said, "I really can't say anything more until you meet the young man. Really, you have to meet him first. We'll talk then."

"Will he hurt Arisu?"

"If you mean physically, most certainly not. I'm certain of it. In other ways…again, figure out a way to meet him."

Yasuna resolved to find a way to meet Arisu's new Hanadera friends sooner than later.

"There are a few others Arisu has mentioned," Yasuna continued once she had filed the thought away. "A boy in her class saved her from a bully on the first day of classes. I think that's the same boy she mentioned reaching out to her in middle school. Another is helping her with her math and she's reciprocating with literature and archaic kanji. There's also an athletic one who is hovering around Arisu in PE. I'm not sure what to make of that given what I know can happen at Hanadera. You've seen Arisu…she's beautiful. Still, Arisu seems to think he's got a good heart and is just protecting her. I have to trust her at Hanadera. That's her turf and only she can find her way there."

"A girl in a boy's body that looks for all the world to be a girl attending an all-boys academy." Aika shivered as she considered the implications, imagining herself in such a position.

_I teach at Hanadera, and it's creepy enough as an adult woman visiting only occasionally._

"Shizuka-chan is certain Arisu-san has been hurt. She isn't sure what that means, though. I've learned to trust her insight into people, and I'm especially inclined to do that where Arisu-san is concerned. Are you sure she's safe at Hanadera?"

"No," Yasuna answered immediately, with no hesitation whatsoever. "I just have no control over it. Grandfather is adamant, and Mother won't challenge him on it…especially since we know Father had acquiesced to Hanadera before he died. Do I lose sleep over it? Every night. My response is to redouble my efforts at school and be as much a part of her life as I possibly can so I can ease her through whatever happens. I will say I have no reason to believe she's been abused so far, but as much as she's open with me about girl things, she's compartmentalized Hanadera to Hanadera for the most part. She won't let me into that world, and given my sense of helplessness I don't ask." Yasuna looked down, clearly feeling guilty. She was well on her way to ruining the pair of jeans she was wearing.

Aika sighed. "I never thought all this through until now. No wonder she's hurting so much." She paused a moment, measuring Yasuna before saying something that under lesser circumstances could be greatly unsettling. "Yasuna-san…" She waited until Yasuna looked up again. "I am confident that she's safe as long as she's under Kashiwagi Suguru's wing. At least safe from everyone else, and if something were to happen with him, I can assure you that it would at least be consensual."

Yasuna chuckled wryly at the bizarre turn of the conversation. "As odd as that reassurance would sound to anyone else, thank you Aika-san. I never stopped respecting you, and hearing you say that knowing the boy..." She shrugged. "I'll take it. I think so far, though, what's hurting Arisu can all be traced back to Grandfather and this concern about maintaining status."

"I'm going to assume Arisu-san told you the whole story of what happened at Lillian yesterday." Aika then smiled grimly. "I've never seen Shizuka-chan so angry as she was after Arisu-san ran the first time. She was ranting about someone having hurt the child, and she didn't calm down even after we discovered the links to Hanadera in Arisu-san's purse. It didn't seem to matter to her, which honestly surprised me. I think if your grandfather had been nearby at the time, she would have at the very least slapped him silly."

Yasuna had to smile at the image, despite not even knowing what the girl looked like except from Arisu's description. "I'd love to see that."

Aika chuckled, reaching for her tea and taking a sip. "I'm sure you would. I'm also sure you're dying to hear more about this enigmatic girl that has turned your sister's life upside down."

"Extremely. I'm at turns more scared of and more grateful to this girl I've never met as I have been with anyone in my life."

Aika laughed gently at this. "She can be a pretty imposing figure. The girls in her class, and all the music students just about, refer to her as Rosa Canina."

Yasuna had to smile at that. "Seriously? Please tell me she didn't make that up herself."

"Oh no, not at all! She gained it in her last year at the middle school division when a classmate noted the Dog Rose's name in French is Rosa Canina. It didn't take much effort to link that to Kanina Shizuka's family name. Add then the respect everyone has for the high school division's Yamayurikai and there you have it. She fought the title for over a year, finally embracing it only after this last Christmas. Last year wasn't a good year at all for her, but she's been improving a lot since the new year started." Aika shrugged.

"How long have you known her?" Yasuna asked.

"Hmmm…I've known Shizuka-chan since she entered 7th grade. She transferred to Lillian from a Catholic school in Switzerland, of all places."

Aika stopped talking and went into another room briefly, coming back with a photograph. She handed it to Yasuna. Yasuna examined it, and saw a striking young woman with fine, somewhat exotic features. Tall, mature, with long jet-black hair. Despite the amazing appearance, what drew Yasuna were the golden-brown eyes.

_My God, I can see what Arisu sees in this girl. She's stunning._

"As you can see," Aika continued after Yasuna had some time to process the photograph, "she has some European blood in her. Mediterranean, specifically. At the very least her grandmother is Italian; in her day, an opera star of some note. Shizuka wants to follow in her grandmother's footsteps. The Kanina family has always been drawn to Europe, dating back to Meiji, and her father works for the United Nations and lived in Geneva throughout Shizuka's childhood. She apparently spent her early youth wandering extensively all over Europe with her family. She came to Lillian speaking flawless German, French, Italian, and English…and barely passable Japanese."

Aika chuckled and shook her head in apparent amusement at the memory. "When she came here I think her Dutch was better than her Japanese. Her parents were so focused on her being continental multilingual that they overlooked that Japanese wouldn't just burst into her head fully formed from nowhere when she finally came back to live in her homeland. Her mother is a Lillian alumna and insisted she attend middle and high school here, hence why they moved back home. It was only when they brought Shizuka-chan to Japan that they realized how far she had to make up her deficient language skills. She did an amazing job of improving her Japanese before she started here, but she struggled at first. A lot. Middle school girls being what they are, she was seen as different and therefore wasn't included in things. It spiraled out of control for a while during the time I was just getting to know her. Fortunately, two things happened that pulled her out. She made a friend and found a hero."

Yasuna found herself entranced by the story. She wanted to know more about this girl, and Aika was providing it.

"The friend is a two edged sword, I think. Tsukiyama Minako-san has dreams of being a journalist, and despite being now just a second year is the newly minted Editor-in-Chief and President of the Lillian Karawaban."

Yasuna groaned. "Are they still as cutthroat as they were back in the day?"

Aika giggled at her former student's characterization of the Lillian school newspaper. "If anything, Tsukiyama-san seems intent on taking them to a whole new level. The former editor who just graduated was more of a moderate. I think we're in for a wild journalistic ride the next two years."

"What will happen if she discovers Arisu's wanderings on campus?"

Aika shrugged. "I honestly can't be sure. I can say the friendship between Tsukiyama-san and Shizuka-chan runs very deep. The two of them have been fast friends now for four years. It was Tsukiyama-san that sat with Shizuka-chan when she was otherwise alone back in 7th grade. Tsukiyama-san helped Shizuka-chan struggle through Japanese, and in return Shizuka-chan helped Tsukiyama-san learn German and improve her English. I remember Tsukiyama-san incessantly bringing German newspaper articles and magazines to Shizuka-chan, and Shizuka-chan would patiently lead her through everything. If she discovers Arisu-san, I suspect your sister's chances are best the closer she is to Shizuka-chan."

Aika paused to take another sip of tea.

"And the hero?" Yasuna prompted.

"Shizuka-chan would kill me if I shared that name. I think I'm the only one who knows her heart on that matter, and even I just a little bit. I'll just say it's a high school 3rd year with very distinct northern European features. Her mother is apparently American and her father has a mixed heritage like Shizuka-chan. This girl has been at Lillian since kindergarten. She's never fit in well at all, even to the point of getting into fights early on. It seemed to stop bothering her by middle school, but things have gotten worse again since she came to the high school division. She's been described by other teachers as a 'lone wolf', and I'm sure that's what attracted Shizuka-chan. She's followed in her footsteps ever since, even to the point of choosing not to go back and study music in Italy when an opportunity arose last year."

"Wow! They're that close?"

"That's the odd thing. Shizuka-chan has never outwardly expressed her interest. I don't think this girl even knows Shizuka-chan exists. It's driven me nuts over the years watching this, especially last year when this girl had some major personal issues which rose to the level of being addressed by the faculty. Shizuka-chan was heartsick nearly the whole year. She kept singing, but otherwise shut herself away from others and languished in the music room all the time. I'd kick her out, but then she'd just mope about in the library, taking extra shifts there from her peers given she works there as her campus service. She closed up even to me and still won't talk about it. Things have gotten much better since then, but she's still a shadow of what she was in 9th grade."

"How sad," Yasuna said, her expression making it clear she felt quite seriously about it. "Has she ever taken a soeur?"

Aika looked intently at Yasuna with this question. Yasuna returned the gaze, both women clearly understanding the implications of this.

"No. Shizuka-chan shared with me in 9th grade her hope to be this girl's petite soeur. By last summer, however, she was clear she wasn't interested in participating in the soeur system…this despite efforts by a lot of powerful students, including the immediate past Rosa Chinensis, to link her up with the girl we've been talking about. She's had plenty of offers from other upperclasswomen, all of which she has graciously declined. This year she's already had a few underclasswomen express interest, and she's politely ignored it. Until yesterday, I was confident it would never happen."

"Until yesterday. Arisu?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

"Well, I won't be sure until I see a rosary around your sister's neck, but I think the thought is becoming well entrenched in Shizuka's mind. The only thing I see holding her back is Satou-san…or perhaps whatever it is that keeps holding Shizuka-chan back with Satou-san." Aika smiled as she paused a brief moment. "In for a penny, in for a pound. The girl's name is Satou Sei, and she's the current Rosa Gigantea. She still has no petite soeur of her own."

Yasuna whistled. "Oh wow, there's no air of fate around this Kanina girl of yours. None at all."

"She is a pretty dramatic figure, literally and figuratively. You should see her perform...she is an operatic singer after all. A damned fine one. She's doing a lot better since the issues last year, which has been a great relief to me. I'm curious, does Arisu-san know about the soeur system? What will happen if Shizuka-chan were to offer?"

"She doesn't to my knowledge, but I suspect she'll be as thrilled as any other girl once she understands it all. I'm more concerned about my own feelings on the matter."

Aika nodded. "I can't imagine what you must be feeling. It's clear the two of you are very close."

Yasuna chuckled. "We are, although in many ways I think it'd be good for both of us to have other outlets. There are moments when we're more apt to strangle each other than hug each other. We are siblings after all," Yasuna said with a wry smile at her old mentor before becoming serious. "Aika-san, I'm scared for Arisu. Truly scared. On the one hand, I think Arisu having girlfriends, perhaps even a female mentor," Yasuna waved her hand at Aika, "would be most welcome. I really could use the help, and she could use the love and reinforcement. On the other hand, Aika-san, Arisu has no margin for error anymore. She's standing on the crumbling edge of the abyss, and it's drawing her in. It's all I can do to keep her from falling. If something were to cause her to jump, I don't think anything could stop her. I want to believe in this girl of yours, but if you have any doubt at all she'll drop Arisu if the going gets tough at Lillian, at home, or if puberty happens before we can stop it, I want you to help me gently end this right now before Arisu becomes any more invested."

Yasuna's expression pled to Aika to be absolutely candid, and Aika respected this by giving her answer a great deal of thought. She rose and again did a slow pace around the piano before coming around to kneel before the sitting Yasuna, looking her old student straight in the eyes. "Yasuna-chan," Aika began using the affectionate for the first time since they had reacquainted with each other, "Kanina Shizuka is probably my most cherished student ever. I know the term 'I love her like a daughter' is cliché, but I really do feel that way about the girl. I'd like to think the reason she ultimately never took a grande soeur is because it wasn't necessary- she already had me."

Aika chuckled a moment before verbalizing more thoughts. "On the flip side, I am not her. She doesn't share everything with me, and occasionally she does surprise me…especially in matters of the heart. As I said, I don't understand and can't predict anything she does or feels when it relates to Satou Sei-san. All that said, I think she already knows the stakes with Arisu-san. She was the one who determined right off that Arisu-san had been deeply hurt. Something about Arisu-san is deeply resonating inside Shizuka-chan. I don't believe Shizuka-chan would ever hurt Arisu-san intentionally. But unintentionally?" Aika shrugged as she got up off the floor and went herself to stare out the window at the street outside. "Anyone could do that…even you, Yasuna-chan." With these last words, Aika turned again to regard a thoughtful Yasuna.

Yasuna took a deep breath and released it slowly out her nose, clearly unsure. "I don't like gambling with my sister's life, but I'm not so foolish that I can't see it's a gamble either way." Now Yasuna stood to slowly follow Aika's route around the piano. "I've always trusted you, Sensei. I see no reason to stop now. Just realize I'm handing the life of the dearest person in my world to you and your protégé, Aika. I'm being blunt so there are no misunderstandings later. If you're not ready to take this on, you admit that now or else follow it through wherever it leads."

Yasuna had made her way around the piano and come to stand before Aika at the window. Light from the streetlight competed with the dim light Aika had used to illuminate the room. They looked at each other, Yasuna intent and Aika thoughtful.

"Yasuna-san, I'll be honest I wasn't exactly looking for another project," Yasuna's eyes dropped as she felt the hope she had allowed herself to begin feeling fall. Aika reached her hand out and lifted Yasuna's gaze back up by her chin. "I'm being bluntly honest, but let me finish before you despair. My reputation hasn't changed…I am seen as the teacher to come to when students have troubles. I have no lack of such projects, but none of them, not one, touches me like your sister. Part of that I'm sure is my own curiosity. I don't exactly see many new things after all these years at Lillian and Hanadera, and I am desperately curious to learn more about Arisu-san and to see how it all turns out. Part of it is my concern for Shizuka-chan and my hope that Arisu-san may actually save her as much as the other way around." Aika saw surprise on Yasuna's face and Aika nodded. "Yes, the darkness in Shizuka's soul runs deep as well, and I see the two being good for each other.

"Continuing on, part of it is you and your family. I do have pleasant memories of you and it warms my heart to see you doing so well, even if it isn't centered around music. I am also deeply intrigued by Arisu's own musical gift and ravenous to discover more of it. Professionally, I have never been more excited than I am right now at the prospect of these two performing together. Finally, though, I too have become smitten by this young one, both and neither boy or girl, and I want to see her surmount all her obstacles. I said I feel maternal over Shizuka-chan, and I'm finding myself developing the same feelings for Arisu-san."

"You can say this based only on the past 12 hours?" Yasuna pressed gently.

"I think so. Again, I've been doing this a while. If I fell like this for every troubled kid, I'd have burnt out years ago. No, this is different. You want me as invested as you are. That's asking a lot, but I'm prepared to commit to it. I can't promise it'll all turn out okay. I can't be there all the time for her, and I may misjudge even when I am around her. Still, I will do my best, which I think is all any of us can do. We can try to help light the way for Arisu-san, but she's going to have to walk her own path. We can't do it for her…dammit." Aika added the last after a pause, emphasizing it with a smile to indicate that it was meant to punctuate.

Yasuna nodded, although she had to smile as well at Aika's earthy genuineness. "Then so it begins."

"What next?" Aika asked.

"Well, I get to meet your protégé later this morning at St Mary's. I invited myself to join Arisu arguing that she'd much rather be driven than take transit." Yasuna grinned impishly. "Grandfather has made it clear to all the family staff that only Kintarou can be served, not Arisu. So if she wants a ride, I can name my price. Fortunately she didn't mind. She's so smitten, she's actually eager to introduce me."

Aika smiled, smile widening at the last. "I like that word. Smitten. I think that fits Shizuka-chan as well." Aika chuckled at the image before continuing. "I'll have them in the afternoon, then. I'm looking forward to it, as I think you discovered while perusing the music I've collected."

"Lots of Gounod, I noticed. I don't think Arisu has ever done operatic scores before, so you should have an interesting time of it." Yasuna found herself yawning, putting a hand in front of her mouth at the last minute.

"It's well after 2am, Yasuna-san. When were you planning to get up?"

"Four I think, although I can't guarantee Arisu won't get up earlier. I should head back, even if I just turn around and hop in the shower."

"I hope all goes well this morning. I'm not Christian, but I still may try to hide in the congregation so I can witness you first meeting Shizuka-chan."

Yasuna smiled at that. "If you're not worried about getting caught, depending on what happens with Arisu I might sit with you then. It's always good to keep the kids guessing. I really can't imagine between Arisu and Shizuka-san that they'll miss for long that I played strings at Lillian and therefore must know you."

"Arisu-san doesn't know?"

"Nope. Like I said, she's smitten, and only has one thing…or should I say person…on her mind right now. She's also always been pretty self-absorbed, a bit clueless of the people around her. I think that comes from her personal issues as well as her having walled herself off from others for so long. Hopefully Shizuka-san can help draw her out…and perhaps vice versa if what you tell me is true."

Yasuna made her way to the door, and Aika followed. "I look forward to seeing a lot more of you, Yasuna-san." Aika said this while reaching out and touching Yasuna's arm. Yasuna responded by drawing Aika into a hug. _I hugged her at graduation, so I'm allowed._

Any doubts it was the right thing to do were dispelled as Aika returned the embrace in kind. "Thank you again for dropping by," Aika said as they separated and Yasuna made her way out the door.

"And thank you for opening your door for me…and my sister. I truly am grateful, Aika-san."

"No more than I am. Now get going, you. We both need some rest. Today is going to be a big day and we need to be ready to shepherd along the kids. Welcome to being an adult, Yasuna-chan." Aika said the last with a wink before waving her hand in a shooing motion.

Yasuna took the hint, turning and making her way casually back home, marveling at the few stars she could see in the Tokyo glare.

_Please God. Please Maria-sama. Make this work out._

* * *

><p><strong>***Author's Note***<strong>

A bunch of dialog between two OC's. I wonder how many of you made it through to the end? I'm sorry for this, but I had to set the stage and the alternative was a bunch of internal dialog, which I thought was even worse. Next chapter begins a day of profound developments between Rosa Canina and Arisu.

And speaking of developing things, Tsutako and her camera have already been busy. Shizuka has a very interesting week coming up…

I wish to specifically call out CelticX for his efforts to resuscitate my ailing muse. Thank you again for all you do to inspire me, my friend. Same goes for EJDaniels. I wouldn't still be writing if it weren't for you two wonderful people.

As always, feedback in any form is greatly appreciated. I know this story isn't focused on your typical Maria Sama characters, but hopefully a handful of you will find it worth joining me for the ride.


End file.
